1 00:00:24,705 --> 00:00:27,674 [Shutter Whirring] 2 00:00:30,344 --> 00:00:34,337 I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek boy... 3 00:00:34,414 --> 00:00:39,044 who's going to spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. 4 00:00:40,654 --> 00:00:43,088 What a lame-o. 5 00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:49,386 Someone really should just put him out of his misery. 6 00:00:51,698 --> 00:00:54,895 [Boy] You want me to kill him for you? 7 00:01:01,908 --> 00:01:04,433 Yeah. Would you? 8 00:01:06,246 --> 00:01:09,181 [Shutter Whirring, Clicking Off] 9 00:01:17,090 --> 00:01:20,253 [Man Narrating] My name is Lester Burnham. 10 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:23,490 This is my neighborhood. 11 00:01:23,563 --> 00:01:26,498 This is my street. 12 00:01:26,566 --> 00:01:29,433 This is my life. 13 00:01:29,503 --> 00:01:34,497 I'm 42 years old. In less than a year, l'll be dead. 14 00:01:34,574 --> 00:01:37,008 [Alarm Ringing] 15 00:01:41,581 --> 00:01:44,846 Of course, I don't know that yet. 16 00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:52,421 And in a way, I'm dead already. 17 00:02:02,102 --> 00:02:05,731 Look at me: jerking off in the shower. 18 00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:12,607 This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here. 19 00:02:17,117 --> 00:02:20,280 That's my wife, Carolyn. 20 00:02:20,353 --> 00:02:25,347 See the way the handle on those pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? 21 00:02:25,425 --> 00:02:28,485 - That's not an accident. - [Dog Barking] 22 00:02:28,562 --> 00:02:31,087 [Man] Hush, Bitsy! 23 00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:35,066 - Hush. What is wrong with you? - That's our next-door neighbor, Jim. 24 00:02:35,135 --> 00:02:39,071 - And that's his lover, Jim. - [Both Arguing] 25 00:02:39,139 --> 00:02:42,631 - You spoil her. Bitsy, no bark. Come inside now. - Me? 26 00:02:42,709 --> 00:02:45,678 - Come on. Yes. Inside. - [Carolyn] Good morning, Jim! 27 00:02:45,745 --> 00:02:47,906 Good morning, Carolyn. 28 00:02:47,981 --> 00:02:52,213 I love your tie! That color! 29 00:02:52,285 --> 00:02:56,779 I just love your roses. How do you get them to flourish like this? 30 00:02:56,857 --> 00:03:00,588 Well, l'll tell you: eggshells and Miracle-Gro. 31 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:05,188 - I've never heard that. - Man, I get exhausted just watching her. 32 00:03:05,265 --> 00:03:09,326 She wasn't always like this. She used to be happy. 33 00:03:11,838 --> 00:03:15,171 We used to be happy. 34 00:03:15,242 --> 00:03:19,372 My daughter Jane. Only child. 35 00:03:21,882 --> 00:03:25,181 - Janie's a pretty typical teenager: - [Computer Beeps] 36 00:03:25,252 --> 00:03:29,484 angry, insecure, confused. 37 00:03:29,556 --> 00:03:34,789 I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her. 38 00:03:34,861 --> 00:03:37,193 [Horn Honking] 39 00:03:38,665 --> 00:03:41,896 Jane, honey, are you trying to look unattractive? 40 00:03:41,968 --> 00:03:46,132 - Yes. - Congratulations. You've succeeded admirably. 41 00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:50,700 Lester, could you make me a little later, please, because I'm not quite late enough. 42 00:03:50,777 --> 00:03:52,802 [Mutters, Indistinct] 43 00:03:53,914 --> 00:03:56,382 Nice going, Dad. 44 00:03:56,449 --> 00:04:00,681 [Lester Narrating] Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser. 45 00:04:00,754 --> 00:04:03,746 And they're right. 46 00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:07,224 I have lost something. 47 00:04:07,294 --> 00:04:10,354 I'm not exactly sure what it is, 48 00:04:10,430 --> 00:04:13,991 but I know I didn't always feel this... 49 00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:16,001 sedated. 50 00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:18,799 But you know what? 51 00:04:18,872 --> 00:04:23,400 It's never too late to get it back. 52 00:04:23,843 --> 00:04:26,778 Hello. This is Lester Burnham from Media Monthly magazine. 53 00:04:26,846 --> 00:04:29,906 I'm calling for Mr. Tamblin, please. 54 00:04:29,983 --> 00:04:33,578 Well, we're all under a deadline here. You see, there's some basic information... 55 00:04:33,653 --> 00:04:38,090 about your product launch that isn't even covered in your press release, and I'd... 56 00:04:38,158 --> 00:04:41,025 Yeah, c... can I ask you a question? 57 00:04:41,094 --> 00:04:45,554 Who is Tamblin? Does he exist? 'Cause he doesn't ever seem to come in. 58 00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:48,465 Yeah. Okay. l'll leave my number. 59 00:04:48,535 --> 00:04:52,972 It's 555-0199. 60 00:04:53,039 --> 00:04:56,566 Lester Burnham. Thank you! 61 00:04:58,044 --> 00:05:02,140 Hey, Les. You got a minute? 62 00:05:02,215 --> 00:05:05,912 For you, Brad, I got five! 63 00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:10,480 So, yeah, I'm sure you can understand our need to cut corners around here. 64 00:05:10,557 --> 00:05:12,684 Oh, sure. Times are tight. 65 00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:16,160 You got to free up some cash. You got to spend money to make money. 66 00:05:16,229 --> 00:05:19,096 - Right? - Exactly. 67 00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:23,101 Like the time that Mr. Flournoy used the company MasterCard to pay for that hooker, 68 00:05:23,169 --> 00:05:27,333 and she used the card numbers and stayed at the St. Regis for, what was it, three months? 69 00:05:27,407 --> 00:05:31,468 - That's unsubstantiated gossip. - That's $50,000. That's somebody's salary. 70 00:05:31,544 --> 00:05:34,638 That's somebody who's going to get fired because Craig has to pay women to fuck him! 71 00:05:34,714 --> 00:05:36,705 Jesus! 72 00:05:36,783 --> 00:05:40,480 I mean, calm down. Nobody's getting fired yet. 73 00:05:40,553 --> 00:05:43,021 - [Scoffs] - That's why we're having everyone... 74 00:05:43,089 --> 00:05:47,583 write out a job description mapping out in detail how they contribute. 75 00:05:47,661 --> 00:05:51,427 That way management can assess who's valuable... 76 00:05:51,498 --> 00:05:54,228 And who's expendable. 77 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,996 It's just business. 78 00:05:57,070 --> 00:06:00,335 I've been writing for this magazine for 14 years. 79 00:06:00,407 --> 00:06:04,639 - You've been here how long? A whole month? - I'm one of the good guys, Les. 80 00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:07,578 I'm trying to level with you. 81 00:06:07,647 --> 00:06:11,139 This is your one chance to save your job. 82 00:06:12,719 --> 00:06:15,449 [Carolyn] There is no decision. You just write the damn thing. 83 00:06:15,522 --> 00:06:18,548 - [Lester] You don't think it's weird and kind of fascist? - Possibly. 84 00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,593 - But you don't want to be unemployed. - All right. 85 00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:23,390 Let's just all sell our souls and work for Satan 'cause it's more convenient that way. 86 00:06:23,463 --> 00:06:26,489 Oh, could you be a little bit more dramatic, please, huh? 87 00:06:26,566 --> 00:06:28,796 So, we finally got new neighbors. 88 00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:33,464 You know, if the Lomans had let me represent them instead of the Real Estate King, 89 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:36,065 that house would never have sat on the market for six months. 90 00:06:36,142 --> 00:06:38,906 Well, they were still mad at you for cutting down their sycamore. 91 00:06:38,978 --> 00:06:41,572 Their sycamore? Come on. 92 00:06:41,648 --> 00:06:44,344 A substantial portion of the root structure was on our property. 93 00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:47,409 You know that. How can you call it their sycamore? 94 00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:52,584 I wouldn't have the heart to just cut down something if it wasn't partially mine, which, of course, it was. 95 00:06:52,659 --> 00:06:54,752 @@ [Stereo: Instrumental] 96 00:06:54,828 --> 00:06:58,889 [Woman Singing] @ Bali Ha'i @ 97 00:06:58,965 --> 00:07:01,695 @ They call you @@ 98 00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:06,796 - @@ [Continues, Indistinct] - Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music? 99 00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:10,607 No. No, we don't. 100 00:07:10,677 --> 00:07:14,613 And as soon you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meal that I'm about to eat, 101 00:07:14,681 --> 00:07:17,616 you can listen to whatever you like. 102 00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:24,589 So, Janie, how was school? 103 00:07:24,657 --> 00:07:27,023 It was okay. 104 00:07:27,093 --> 00:07:29,527 Just okay? 105 00:07:29,596 --> 00:07:33,692 No, Dad. It was spectacular. 106 00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:39,604 Well, you want to know how things went in my job today? 107 00:07:39,672 --> 00:07:42,072 They've hired this efficiency expert, 108 00:07:42,142 --> 00:07:44,872 this really friendly guy named Brad... 109 00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:49,381 How perfect is that? And he's basically there to make it seem they're justified... 110 00:07:49,449 --> 00:07:52,907 in firing somebody, because they couldn't just come out and say that, could they? 111 00:07:52,986 --> 00:07:56,319 No, no. That would just be too honest. So they've asked us... 112 00:07:56,389 --> 00:07:59,881 [Chuckling] You couldn't possibly care less, could you? 113 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,086 What do you expect? 114 00:08:02,162 --> 00:08:06,428 You can't all of a sudden be my best friend just because you had a bad day. 115 00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:12,265 I mean, hello, you've barely even spoken to me for months. 116 00:08:17,844 --> 00:08:21,371 Oh, what? You're "Mother of the Year"? 117 00:08:21,447 --> 00:08:24,905 - [Muttering] You treat her like an employee. - What? 118 00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:29,618 [Shouts] What? 119 00:08:29,689 --> 00:08:32,351 I'm going to get some ice cream. 120 00:08:41,034 --> 00:08:43,002 Janie... 121 00:08:44,237 --> 00:08:49,174 I'm sorry I haven't been more available. 122 00:08:49,242 --> 00:08:51,472 I'm just... I... 123 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:57,716 You know, you don't always have to wait for me to come to you. 124 00:08:57,784 --> 00:09:00,844 Oh, great. So now it's my fault? 125 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,321 I didn't say that. It's nobody's fault. It... 126 00:09:05,525 --> 00:09:08,790 Janie, what happened? We used to be pals. 127 00:09:12,632 --> 00:09:14,566 [Inaudible] 128 00:09:42,095 --> 00:09:44,689 [Water Running] 129 00:10:18,932 --> 00:10:21,560 @@ [Humming] 130 00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:30,469 @@ [Stops Humming] 131 00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,477 [Grunts] 132 00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:42,510 [Exhales Forcefully] 133 00:10:48,695 --> 00:10:51,721 I will sell this house today. 134 00:11:02,141 --> 00:11:07,101 I will sell this house today. I will sell this house today. 135 00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:13,746 [Coughing] 136 00:11:21,027 --> 00:11:24,053 I will sell this house today. 137 00:11:32,138 --> 00:11:34,936 Welcome. I'm Carolyn Burnham. 138 00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:38,068 This living room is very dramatic. 139 00:11:38,144 --> 00:11:41,045 Wait till you see the native stone fireplace! 140 00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:46,609 A simple cream could really lighten things up. You could even put in a skylight. 141 00:11:49,355 --> 00:11:51,482 Well, why don't we go into the kitchen? 142 00:11:51,557 --> 00:11:54,958 It's a dream come true for any cook. 143 00:11:55,028 --> 00:11:58,395 Just filled with positive energy, huh? 144 00:11:58,464 --> 00:12:03,959 And you'll be surprised how much a ceiling fan can cut down on your energy costs. 145 00:12:06,906 --> 00:12:11,570 You know, you could have some fun backyard get-togethers out here. 146 00:12:11,644 --> 00:12:15,045 The ad said this pool was lagoon-like. There's nothing lagoon-like about it. 147 00:12:15,114 --> 00:12:19,574 Except for maybe the bugs. There aren't even any plants out here. 148 00:12:19,652 --> 00:12:22,587 What do you call this? Is this not a plant? 149 00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:26,091 If you have a problem with the plants, I can always call my landscape architect. 150 00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:30,755 - Solved. - I mean, I think "lagoon," I think waterfall, tropical. 151 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,765 This is a cement hole. 152 00:12:34,901 --> 00:12:36,835 Uh... 153 00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:40,031 I have some tiki torches in the garage. 154 00:12:56,355 --> 00:12:58,789 [Crying] 155 00:13:11,571 --> 00:13:15,337 Shut up! Stop it! You weak... You baby! 156 00:13:15,408 --> 00:13:18,377 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 157 00:13:28,821 --> 00:13:30,755 [Gasping] 158 00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:53,804 - [Crowd Cheering] - [Drums Beating Rhythmically] 159 00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:58,448 [Players Shouting To Each Other] 160 00:13:59,519 --> 00:14:02,181 [Crowd Cheering] 161 00:14:03,489 --> 00:14:05,650 Who are you looking for? 162 00:14:05,725 --> 00:14:08,353 My parents are coming tonight. 163 00:14:08,427 --> 00:14:12,090 They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me. 164 00:14:12,165 --> 00:14:15,134 Gross. I hate it when my mom does that. 165 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:19,228 They're such assholes. Why can't they just have their own lives? 166 00:14:19,305 --> 00:14:22,103 [Girls Screeching] 167 00:14:22,175 --> 00:14:26,305 [Lester] What makes you sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come? 168 00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:29,780 Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her. 169 00:14:29,849 --> 00:14:32,010 But she's been practicing for weeks. 170 00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:36,384 l'll bet she's going to resent it, and I'm missing the James Bond marathon on T.N.T. 171 00:14:36,455 --> 00:14:41,483 Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane. 172 00:14:41,561 --> 00:14:44,394 "Growing"? She hates me. 173 00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:48,456 - She's just willful. - She hates you too. 174 00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,965 [All Shouting] 175 00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:56,304 [Girls Cheering] 176 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:59,469 - Excuse me. Sorry. I'm sorry. - Pardon me. 177 00:14:59,545 --> 00:15:02,036 - [Buzzer Sounding] - Hi! Patty! 178 00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:05,083 [Announcer Over P.A.] Now, for your halftime entertainment, 179 00:15:05,151 --> 00:15:09,485 Rockwell High's award-winning Dancing Spartanettes! 180 00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:12,183 We can leave right after this, right? 181 00:15:12,258 --> 00:15:15,056 @@ [Band Playing "On Broadway"] 182 00:15:16,596 --> 00:15:19,156 [Audience Clapping In Tune] 183 00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:20,588 [Ambient Noise Fades] 184 00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:16,446 @@ ["On Broadway" Finishes] 185 00:17:16,515 --> 00:17:19,040 [Crowd Cheering] 186 00:17:25,725 --> 00:17:28,353 Shit. They're still here. 187 00:17:28,427 --> 00:17:30,520 Janie! 188 00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:32,791 Hey, I really enjoyed that. 189 00:17:32,865 --> 00:17:35,857 - Congratulations, honey. You were great. - I didn't win anything. 190 00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:39,564 - Hi. I'm Lester, Janie's dad. - Oh, hi. 191 00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:44,870 This is my friend, Angela Hayes. 192 00:17:44,944 --> 00:17:48,311 Okay. Good to meet you. 193 00:17:48,381 --> 00:17:53,683 You were also good tonight, very... precise. 194 00:17:53,753 --> 00:17:56,688 - Thanks. - Nice to meet you, Angela. 195 00:17:56,756 --> 00:17:59,486 Honey... [Grunts] I am so proud of you. 196 00:17:59,558 --> 00:18:03,358 You know, I watched you very closely. You didn't screw up once. 197 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:07,627 Okay, uh, we have to go. 198 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,260 - So what are you girls doing now? - Dad. 199 00:18:10,336 --> 00:18:13,601 - We're going out for pizza. - Really? Do you need a ride? We can give you a ride. 200 00:18:13,672 --> 00:18:17,369 - I have a car. You want to come with us? - Thanks, but I have a car. 201 00:18:17,443 --> 00:18:21,277 You have a car. That's great. That's great. 202 00:18:21,347 --> 00:18:24,214 Janie's thinking about getting a car, too, soon, aren't you? 203 00:18:24,283 --> 00:18:27,616 Dad, Mom's waiting for you. 204 00:18:29,622 --> 00:18:32,250 Well, it was very nice meeting you, Angela. 205 00:18:32,324 --> 00:18:34,792 Any friend of Janie's... 206 00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:39,354 is a... friend of mine. [Exhales] 207 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:46,471 Well... l'll be seeing you around, then. 208 00:18:50,309 --> 00:18:54,973 Could he be any more... pathetic? 209 00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:58,016 I think he's sweet. 210 00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:03,282 And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time. 211 00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:22,866 [Lester Narrating] It's the weirdest thing. 212 00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:26,400 I feel like I've been in a coma for about 20 years... 213 00:19:26,479 --> 00:19:29,642 and I'm just now waking up. 214 00:20:00,012 --> 00:20:03,379 Spec-tacular. 215 00:20:05,084 --> 00:20:08,485 @@ [Radio: Rock] 216 00:20:12,258 --> 00:20:15,625 I'm so sorry my dad was weird tonight. 217 00:20:17,563 --> 00:20:19,554 That's okay. 218 00:20:19,632 --> 00:20:21,964 I'm used to guys drooling over me. 219 00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:25,503 It started when I was about 12. 220 00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:28,699 I'd go to dinner with my parents. 221 00:20:28,774 --> 00:20:31,902 Every Thursday night: Red Lobster. [Chuckles] 222 00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:34,946 Every guy there would stare at me when I walked in. 223 00:20:35,014 --> 00:20:37,175 And I knew what they were thinking, 224 00:20:37,249 --> 00:20:41,185 just like I knew guys at school thought about me when they jerked off. 225 00:20:41,253 --> 00:20:44,051 - Vomit. - No. I liked it. 226 00:20:44,123 --> 00:20:48,685 I still like it. If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, 227 00:20:48,761 --> 00:20:52,959 it means I really have a shot at being a model. 228 00:20:53,032 --> 00:20:55,330 Which is great, 229 00:20:55,401 --> 00:20:59,462 because there's nothing worse in life than being ordinary. 230 00:21:03,742 --> 00:21:06,176 I really think it'll happen for you. 231 00:21:07,246 --> 00:21:09,180 I know. 232 00:21:09,248 --> 00:21:13,912 Because everything that was meant to happen, does... eventually. 233 00:21:38,544 --> 00:21:41,069 Asshole. 234 00:22:29,962 --> 00:22:32,954 [Shower Running] 235 00:22:44,276 --> 00:22:46,210 [Phone Ringing] 236 00:22:46,278 --> 00:22:49,736 [Angela] Hello? Hello? 237 00:22:51,483 --> 00:22:54,350 - [Clanking] - [Phone Beeps Off] 238 00:22:57,756 --> 00:22:59,690 [Phone Rings] 239 00:23:05,964 --> 00:23:08,228 - Hello? - Why'd you call me? 240 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,234 I didn't. 241 00:23:10,302 --> 00:23:12,862 Well, my phone just rang and I answered it, and somebody hung up. 242 00:23:12,938 --> 00:23:17,534 - And I star-69ed, and I called you back. - Well, I was in the shower. 243 00:23:21,413 --> 00:23:23,540 Oh, gross! 244 00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:42,026 [Woman] Ricky! Breakfast! 245 00:23:43,702 --> 00:23:46,136 Be right there. 246 00:23:54,346 --> 00:23:56,211 - Mom. - Hello. 247 00:23:56,281 --> 00:23:59,648 I don't eat bacon, remember? 248 00:24:00,819 --> 00:24:03,754 I'm sorry. I must've forgotten. 249 00:24:13,866 --> 00:24:16,835 What's new in the world, Dad? 250 00:24:16,902 --> 00:24:20,702 This country is going straight to hell. 251 00:24:21,907 --> 00:24:24,637 [Doorbell Ringing] 252 00:24:27,713 --> 00:24:30,580 - Are you expecting anyone? - No. 253 00:24:33,585 --> 00:24:35,917 No. 254 00:24:42,761 --> 00:24:44,956 - Hi. - Welcome to the neighborhood. 255 00:24:45,030 --> 00:24:47,225 - It's just a little something from our garden. - Except for the pasta. 256 00:24:47,299 --> 00:24:49,927 - We got that at Fallaci's. - Right. It's unbelievably fresh. 257 00:24:50,002 --> 00:24:53,631 You just... You drop it in the water, and it's done. 258 00:24:53,705 --> 00:24:57,539 Jim Olmeyer. Two doors down. Welcome to the neighborhood. 259 00:24:57,609 --> 00:24:59,975 Colonel Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine Corps. 260 00:25:00,045 --> 00:25:03,674 - It's nice to meet you. This is my partner... - Jim Berkley, but call me J.B. 261 00:25:03,749 --> 00:25:07,048 Let's cut to chase, okay? What are you guys selling? 262 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,215 - [Chuckles] We... - Nothing. We just wanted to say hi to our new neighbors. 263 00:25:11,290 --> 00:25:16,819 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you're partners, so what's your business? 264 00:25:18,463 --> 00:25:22,490 Well... he is a tax attorney. 265 00:25:22,568 --> 00:25:25,537 And he's an anesthesiologist. 266 00:25:28,106 --> 00:25:30,404 @@ [Frank Humming] 267 00:25:34,246 --> 00:25:38,706 How come these faggots always have to rub it in your face? 268 00:25:38,784 --> 00:25:41,844 How can they be so shameless? 269 00:25:43,322 --> 00:25:46,553 - @@ [Resumes Humming] - That's the whole thing, Dad. 270 00:25:46,625 --> 00:25:49,924 They don't feel that's anything to be ashamed of. 271 00:25:51,029 --> 00:25:53,520 Well, it is. 272 00:25:55,234 --> 00:25:59,568 - Yeah, you're right. - Don't placate me like I'm your mother, boy. 273 00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:05,408 Forgive me, sir, for speaking so bluntly, 274 00:26:05,477 --> 00:26:08,503 but those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out. 275 00:26:16,288 --> 00:26:21,453 Well, me too, son. Yeah. Me too. 276 00:26:21,526 --> 00:26:24,791 @@ [Frank Resumes Humming] 277 00:26:26,965 --> 00:26:30,457 [Angela] I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out. 278 00:26:30,535 --> 00:26:34,232 - You know, like, "Say hello to Mr. Happy." - Gross! 279 00:26:34,306 --> 00:26:39,141 - It wasn't gross. It was kind of cool. - So did you do it with him? 280 00:26:39,211 --> 00:26:43,545 Of course. He's a really well-known photographer. 281 00:26:43,615 --> 00:26:46,413 He shoots for Elle on, like, a regular basis. 282 00:26:46,485 --> 00:26:51,252 - It would've been majorly stupid of me to turn him down. - You are a total prostitute. 283 00:26:51,323 --> 00:26:55,453 Hey, that's how things really are. 284 00:26:55,527 --> 00:26:59,361 You just don't know because you're this pampered little suburban chick. 285 00:26:59,431 --> 00:27:03,026 So are you. You've only been in Seventeen once, and you looked fat. 286 00:27:03,101 --> 00:27:06,764 So stop acting like you're goddamn Christy Turlington! 287 00:27:09,107 --> 00:27:11,041 Cunt! 288 00:27:12,511 --> 00:27:16,003 I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me. 289 00:27:17,716 --> 00:27:22,016 - Oh, my God. That's the pervert who filmed me last night. - Him? 290 00:27:22,087 --> 00:27:25,147 Jane. No way. He's a total lunatic. 291 00:27:25,223 --> 00:27:27,157 - Do you know him? - Yeah. 292 00:27:27,225 --> 00:27:29,420 We were on the same lunch shift when I was in ninth grade, 293 00:27:29,494 --> 00:27:33,055 and he would always save the most random, weird things. 294 00:27:33,131 --> 00:27:37,534 And then one day, he was just, like, gone. 295 00:27:37,602 --> 00:27:43,438 And then Connie Cardullo told me that his parents had to put him in a mental institution. 296 00:27:43,508 --> 00:27:45,669 Why? What did he do? 297 00:27:45,744 --> 00:27:48,645 What do you mean? 298 00:27:48,714 --> 00:27:52,810 Well, they can't put you away just for saying weird things. 299 00:27:55,253 --> 00:28:00,384 You total slut. You've got a crush on him. 300 00:28:00,459 --> 00:28:03,257 - What? Please! - You are defending him. You love him. 301 00:28:03,328 --> 00:28:06,627 - You want to have, like, 10,000 of his babies. - Shut up. 302 00:28:06,698 --> 00:28:10,998 Hi. My name's Ricky. I just moved next door to you. 303 00:28:11,069 --> 00:28:13,094 I know. 304 00:28:13,171 --> 00:28:17,301 I kind of remember this creepy incident where you were filming me last night? 305 00:28:17,376 --> 00:28:21,472 - I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting. - Thanks. 306 00:28:21,546 --> 00:28:26,176 But I really don't need to have some psycho obsessing about me right now. 307 00:28:27,252 --> 00:28:31,211 I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious. 308 00:28:46,371 --> 00:28:48,339 What a freak. 309 00:28:48,407 --> 00:28:51,740 And why does he dress like a Bible salesman? 310 00:28:51,810 --> 00:28:54,938 He's, like, so confident. 311 00:28:55,013 --> 00:28:58,073 That can't be real. 312 00:28:58,150 --> 00:29:00,710 I don't believe him. 313 00:29:00,786 --> 00:29:04,847 I mean, he didn't even, like, look at me once. 314 00:29:04,923 --> 00:29:09,917 @@ [Bugle: "Reveille"] 315 00:29:09,995 --> 00:29:14,091 - How'd you get in the Army? - Sergeant, I got three reasons for being in the Army. 316 00:29:14,166 --> 00:29:18,193 First, I'm patriotic. Second, I love my country. And third, they nailed me. 317 00:29:18,270 --> 00:29:20,204 [Laughs] 318 00:29:20,272 --> 00:29:23,298 [TV Chatter Continues] 319 00:29:23,375 --> 00:29:25,935 [Lock Rattling] 320 00:29:27,646 --> 00:29:30,012 [Door Closes] 321 00:29:32,617 --> 00:29:34,551 Hey. 322 00:29:37,622 --> 00:29:41,319 - What's going on here? - Bend all the way down. Here comes the Bull of the Woods. 323 00:29:44,229 --> 00:29:46,823 I'm sorry. What? 324 00:29:47,899 --> 00:29:50,299 Mom, nobody said anything. 325 00:29:50,368 --> 00:29:52,802 Oh. I'm sorry. 326 00:29:55,540 --> 00:29:57,735 @@ [Latin Beat] 327 00:29:59,678 --> 00:30:01,373 Everyone here is with their spouse or significant other. 328 00:30:01,446 --> 00:30:04,506 - How would it look if I showed up with no one? - You always end up ignoring me. 329 00:30:04,583 --> 00:30:08,075 Now, listen to me. This is an important business function. 330 00:30:08,153 --> 00:30:11,350 As you know, my business is selling an image, 331 00:30:11,423 --> 00:30:13,755 and part of my job is to live that image. 332 00:30:13,825 --> 00:30:18,319 Honey, do me a favor and say whatever you want to say and spare me the propaganda. 333 00:30:18,396 --> 00:30:21,297 All right. Hi, Shirley! 334 00:30:22,834 --> 00:30:25,735 Listen. Just do me a favor. Act happy tonight. 335 00:30:25,804 --> 00:30:30,605 - [High Voice] I am happy, honey! - You're not... Oh, that's Buddy! 336 00:30:30,675 --> 00:30:34,167 - Buddy! Buddy! Hi! - Hi. 337 00:30:34,246 --> 00:30:36,714 Good to see you again. 338 00:30:36,781 --> 00:30:40,308 - It's so good to see you too, Catherine. - Carolyn. 339 00:30:40,385 --> 00:30:43,354 Oh, Carolyn! Of course. How are you? 340 00:30:43,421 --> 00:30:47,357 - Very well, thank you. Hello, Christy. - Hello. 341 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,427 - My husband, Lester. - It's a pleasure. 342 00:30:51,496 --> 00:30:56,627 Oh, we've met before, actually. This thing last year. Christmas at the Sheraton. 343 00:30:56,701 --> 00:30:58,999 Oh, yeah! 344 00:30:59,070 --> 00:31:02,164 Oh, it's okay. I wouldn't remember me either. 345 00:31:06,244 --> 00:31:08,735 Honey, don't be weird. 346 00:31:08,813 --> 00:31:11,680 - All right, honey. I won't be weird. - Okay. 347 00:31:11,750 --> 00:31:14,981 l'll be whatever you want me to be. 348 00:31:15,053 --> 00:31:17,578 Well, oka... 349 00:31:27,432 --> 00:31:31,528 - We have a very healthy relationship. - I see. 350 00:31:31,603 --> 00:31:33,537 [Sighs] 351 00:31:34,940 --> 00:31:38,068 Well, I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink. 352 00:31:38,143 --> 00:31:40,839 Ohh. 353 00:31:43,348 --> 00:31:46,408 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put a little more in there, cowboy. 354 00:31:53,291 --> 00:31:56,886 [Carolyn, Buddy Shrieking With Laughter] 355 00:31:58,597 --> 00:32:00,497 [Groaning] 356 00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:07,602 Excuse me. Don't you live on Robin Hood Trail? The house with the red door? 357 00:32:07,672 --> 00:32:12,609 - Yeah. - I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved in the house next to you. 358 00:32:12,677 --> 00:32:16,943 Oh. Hi, Ricky Fitts. I'm Lester Burnham. 359 00:32:17,015 --> 00:32:19,540 Hi, Lester Burnham. 360 00:32:29,661 --> 00:32:33,097 - Do you party? - Excuse me? 361 00:32:33,164 --> 00:32:36,361 Do you get high? 362 00:32:38,903 --> 00:32:43,636 You know, I probably wouldn't even tell you this if I weren't a little tipsy, but... 363 00:32:45,176 --> 00:32:48,009 I'm in complete awe of you. 364 00:32:48,079 --> 00:32:50,513 I mean, your firm... 365 00:32:50,582 --> 00:32:54,575 is hands-down the Rolls-Royce of local real estate firms, 366 00:32:54,653 --> 00:32:58,180 and your personal sales record is... 367 00:32:58,256 --> 00:33:02,317 [Clicks Tongue, Sighs] It's very intimidating. 368 00:33:02,394 --> 00:33:07,388 You know, I'd love to sit down with you and just pick your brain, 369 00:33:07,465 --> 00:33:10,332 - [Chuckles] - If you'd ever be willing. 370 00:33:11,936 --> 00:33:15,428 You know, I suppose technically I'm the competition, 371 00:33:15,507 --> 00:33:19,238 but I mean, hey, I don't flatter myself... 372 00:33:19,311 --> 00:33:22,838 that I'm even in the same league as you. 373 00:33:22,914 --> 00:33:25,144 I don't. 374 00:33:25,216 --> 00:33:27,150 I'd love to. 375 00:33:28,753 --> 00:33:31,688 - Really? - Absolutely. 376 00:33:31,756 --> 00:33:35,021 Call my secretary. Have her schedule a lunch. 377 00:33:36,594 --> 00:33:39,392 l'll do that. Thank you. 378 00:33:45,570 --> 00:33:49,062 [Lester] Did you ever see that movie where the body is walking around... 379 00:33:49,140 --> 00:33:52,371 carrying its own head, and then the head goes down on that babe? 380 00:33:52,444 --> 00:33:55,311 - [Both Laughing] - [Ricky] Re-Animator. 381 00:33:55,380 --> 00:33:57,473 [Both Continue Laughing] 382 00:33:57,549 --> 00:33:59,540 - [Both Stop Laughing] - Look. 383 00:33:59,617 --> 00:34:02,984 I'm not paying you to do whatever it is you're doing out here. 384 00:34:03,054 --> 00:34:05,989 Fine. So don't pay me. 385 00:34:06,057 --> 00:34:08,150 Excuse me? 386 00:34:08,226 --> 00:34:13,163 I quit, so you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone. 387 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,664 Asshole. 388 00:34:22,307 --> 00:34:25,504 I think you just became my personal hero. 389 00:34:25,577 --> 00:34:29,035 Doesn't that make you nervous, just quitting your job like that? 390 00:34:30,782 --> 00:34:33,979 Well, I guess when you're all of, what, 16... 391 00:34:34,052 --> 00:34:38,546 Eighteen. I just do these gigs as a cover. 392 00:34:38,623 --> 00:34:41,683 I have other sources of income. 393 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,422 But my dad interferes less in my life when I pretend... 394 00:34:44,496 --> 00:34:47,829 to be an upstanding young citizen with a respectable job. 395 00:34:47,899 --> 00:34:49,992 [Carolyn] Lester? 396 00:34:52,837 --> 00:34:57,035 - What are you doing? - Honey, this is... Ricky Fitts. 397 00:34:57,108 --> 00:35:00,976 [Wheezing Laugh] This is Ricky Fitts. 398 00:35:01,045 --> 00:35:03,309 [Continues Laughing Hysterically] 399 00:35:03,381 --> 00:35:06,407 I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved into the house next to you. 400 00:35:06,484 --> 00:35:09,476 I go to school with your daughter. 401 00:35:09,554 --> 00:35:12,182 - With Jane? - Yeah. 402 00:35:12,257 --> 00:35:14,987 - Really? - Jane. 403 00:35:15,059 --> 00:35:19,655 Hi. I'm ready to go. l'll meet you out front. 404 00:35:23,701 --> 00:35:27,660 - [Whimpering Laugh] Oh, I'm in trouble. - [Chuckles] 405 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,134 Nice meeting you, Ricky. Thanks for the thing. 406 00:35:32,210 --> 00:35:35,077 Anytime. Lester? 407 00:35:35,146 --> 00:35:38,741 If you want any more, you know where I live. 408 00:35:38,817 --> 00:35:40,751 [Laughs] 409 00:35:49,694 --> 00:35:52,128 - @@ [On TV] - [Door Closes] 410 00:35:52,197 --> 00:35:56,566 Oh, shit. They're home. Quick. Let's go up to my room. 411 00:35:56,634 --> 00:35:59,125 I should say hi to your dad. 412 00:35:59,204 --> 00:36:02,298 I don't want to be rude. 413 00:36:14,018 --> 00:36:16,248 Nice suit. 414 00:36:17,355 --> 00:36:19,380 You're looking good, Mr. Burnham. 415 00:36:19,457 --> 00:36:23,188 Last time I saw you, you looked kind of wound up. 416 00:36:26,931 --> 00:36:29,195 Ooh, is that root beer? 417 00:37:28,793 --> 00:37:30,852 I love root beer, don't you? 418 00:37:33,331 --> 00:37:35,265 - Hey. - Hi, Mom. 419 00:37:35,333 --> 00:37:37,528 - Hi. - Remember Angela? 420 00:37:37,602 --> 00:37:39,729 Yes, of course. 421 00:37:39,804 --> 00:37:43,535 I forgot to tell you. She's going to spend the night. Is that okay? 422 00:37:43,608 --> 00:37:46,270 [Coughing, Choking] 423 00:37:51,449 --> 00:37:55,044 - [Jane] Sorry about my dad. - [Angela] Don't be. I think it's funny. 424 00:37:55,119 --> 00:38:00,182 Yeah, to you he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones. 425 00:38:00,258 --> 00:38:05,093 But to me, he's just... too embarrassing to live. 426 00:38:06,564 --> 00:38:10,330 Well, your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. 427 00:38:10,401 --> 00:38:13,666 - But your dad's actually kind of cute. - Shut up. 428 00:38:13,738 --> 00:38:17,504 [Angela] He is. If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot. 429 00:38:17,575 --> 00:38:19,543 - Shut up! - Come on. 430 00:38:19,611 --> 00:38:24,514 Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in his underwear? I bet he's got a big dick. 431 00:38:24,582 --> 00:38:26,914 [Jane Laughing] You are so grossing me out right now. 432 00:38:26,985 --> 00:38:30,250 [Angela] If he built up his chest and arms, I would totally fuck him. 433 00:38:30,321 --> 00:38:34,587 - @ La, la, la, la, la, la @ - I would. I would suck your dad's big fat dick, 434 00:38:34,659 --> 00:38:37,787 and then I'd fuck him until his eyes rolled back in his head. 435 00:38:37,862 --> 00:38:41,525 - [Rattling] - Jane, shh. What was that noise? 436 00:38:44,202 --> 00:38:46,864 - I swear I heard something. - Yeah. 437 00:38:46,938 --> 00:38:49,907 That was the sound of you being a huge, disgusting pig. 438 00:38:49,974 --> 00:38:52,442 - No, I'm serious. - [Rattling] 439 00:38:52,510 --> 00:38:55,274 See? 440 00:38:55,346 --> 00:38:58,645 - Oh, my God. Jane. - What is it? 441 00:39:01,753 --> 00:39:05,189 It's that psycho next door. 442 00:39:05,256 --> 00:39:07,417 Jane, what if he worships you? 443 00:39:07,492 --> 00:39:12,657 What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff? 444 00:39:12,730 --> 00:39:16,188 Shit. I bet he's filming us right now. 445 00:39:16,267 --> 00:39:18,201 Really? 446 00:39:45,963 --> 00:39:48,056 [Clattering] 447 00:40:48,826 --> 00:40:52,728 Welcome to America's Weirdest Home Videos. 448 00:41:17,188 --> 00:41:20,385 - [Knocking] - [Frank] Ricky? 449 00:41:20,458 --> 00:41:22,824 Coming, Dad. 450 00:41:22,894 --> 00:41:26,421 You know I don't like locked doors in my house, boy. 451 00:41:32,003 --> 00:41:35,598 - I'm sorry. I must've locked it by accident. - Mm. 452 00:41:36,674 --> 00:41:39,302 [Ricky] So what's up? 453 00:41:41,412 --> 00:41:44,176 I... I need a urine sample. 454 00:41:44,248 --> 00:41:46,182 Wow. 455 00:41:46,250 --> 00:41:48,946 It's been six months already. 456 00:41:49,020 --> 00:41:52,114 Can I give it to you in the morning? I just took a whiz. 457 00:41:52,190 --> 00:41:54,317 Yeah. I suppose. 458 00:41:58,262 --> 00:42:01,026 Y-You know... 459 00:42:08,539 --> 00:42:12,373 Well, good night, son. 460 00:43:08,766 --> 00:43:10,927 [Water Dripping] 461 00:43:18,676 --> 00:43:20,735 I've been waiting for you. 462 00:43:41,532 --> 00:43:44,092 You've been working out, haven't you? 463 00:43:44,168 --> 00:43:46,329 I can tell. 464 00:43:47,838 --> 00:43:50,932 I was hoping you could give me a bath. 465 00:43:51,008 --> 00:43:53,533 I'm very, very dirty. 466 00:44:26,477 --> 00:44:28,741 What are you doing? 467 00:44:30,081 --> 00:44:32,106 Nothing. 468 00:44:32,183 --> 00:44:34,777 - You were masturbating. - [Whispers] I was not. 469 00:44:34,852 --> 00:44:37,685 Yes, you were. 470 00:44:37,755 --> 00:44:41,521 Oh, all right. So shoot me. I was whacking off. 471 00:44:41,592 --> 00:44:45,187 That's right. I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot. 472 00:44:45,262 --> 00:44:48,197 You know, saying "hi" to my monster. 473 00:44:48,265 --> 00:44:50,199 That's disgusting. 474 00:44:50,267 --> 00:44:53,395 Well, excuse me, but some of us still have blood pumping through our veins. 475 00:44:53,471 --> 00:44:55,735 - So do I. - Really? 476 00:44:55,806 --> 00:45:00,140 Well, I'm the only one who seems to be doing anything about it. 477 00:45:00,211 --> 00:45:03,806 [Grunts] Lester, I refuse to live like this! 478 00:45:03,881 --> 00:45:05,872 This is not a marriage. 479 00:45:05,950 --> 00:45:09,044 This hasn't been a marriage for years, 480 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:12,089 but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. 481 00:45:12,156 --> 00:45:14,215 Well, guess what. I've changed. 482 00:45:14,291 --> 00:45:16,885 And the new me whacks off when he feels horny... 483 00:45:16,961 --> 00:45:19,759 'cause you're obviously not going to help me out in that department. 484 00:45:19,830 --> 00:45:22,526 I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated. 485 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,728 I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby. I'm ready. 486 00:45:25,803 --> 00:45:27,964 Don't you mess with me, mister. 487 00:45:28,039 --> 00:45:31,202 I will divorce you so fast, it'll make your head spin. 488 00:45:31,275 --> 00:45:33,436 On what grounds? 489 00:45:33,511 --> 00:45:36,105 I'm not a drunk. I don't fuck other women. 490 00:45:36,180 --> 00:45:38,614 I don't mistreat you. I've never hit you. 491 00:45:38,682 --> 00:45:41,276 I don't even try to touch you, since you made it so abundantly clear... 492 00:45:41,352 --> 00:45:43,650 just how unnecessary you consider me to be! 493 00:45:45,656 --> 00:45:49,092 But... I did support you when you got your license. 494 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,256 And some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. 495 00:45:53,330 --> 00:45:56,163 Oh! 496 00:45:56,233 --> 00:45:59,999 So, turn out the light when you come back to bed, okay? 497 00:46:11,449 --> 00:46:14,384 [Lester Narrating] It's a great thing when you realize you still have... 498 00:46:14,452 --> 00:46:17,046 the ability to surprise yourself. 499 00:46:17,121 --> 00:46:21,114 Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about. 500 00:46:21,192 --> 00:46:23,160 Hey, guys. 501 00:46:23,227 --> 00:46:25,661 Lester. I didn't know you ran. 502 00:46:25,729 --> 00:46:28,061 - I just started. - Good for you. 503 00:46:28,132 --> 00:46:32,228 I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up, fast. 504 00:46:32,303 --> 00:46:35,136 Are you looking to just lose weight, or do you want to have... 505 00:46:35,206 --> 00:46:38,141 increased strength and flexibility as well? 506 00:46:38,209 --> 00:46:41,667 I... I want to look good naked. 507 00:46:51,489 --> 00:46:53,821 [Squeaking] 508 00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:01,259 Oh, what is this? Fuckin' gay pride parade? 509 00:47:01,332 --> 00:47:03,425 Hey! Yo, Ricky. 510 00:47:03,501 --> 00:47:06,766 [Panting] 511 00:47:06,837 --> 00:47:11,604 My entire life is passing before my eyes, and those two have barely broken a sweat. 512 00:47:11,675 --> 00:47:14,974 Sorry. Hi. Lester Burnham. I live next door. We haven't met. 513 00:47:15,045 --> 00:47:17,036 Colonel Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine Corps. 514 00:47:17,114 --> 00:47:20,208 Oh, whoa. Well. 515 00:47:20,284 --> 00:47:22,548 Welcome to the neighborhood, sir. 516 00:47:26,490 --> 00:47:29,459 Ricky, uh... 517 00:47:29,527 --> 00:47:33,122 I was thinking about the, uh... I was gonna... The movie we talked about. 518 00:47:33,197 --> 00:47:35,131 - Re-Animator. - Yeah! 519 00:47:35,199 --> 00:47:38,965 You want to borrow it? Okay. It's up in my room. Come on. 520 00:47:49,980 --> 00:47:52,574 - Can you hold this for a sec? - Sure. 521 00:47:52,650 --> 00:47:56,746 I don't think my dad would try to come in while someone else is here, but you never know. 522 00:47:56,820 --> 00:47:59,880 - What is this? - Urine. 523 00:47:59,957 --> 00:48:04,326 I have to take a drug test every six months just to make sure I'm clean. 524 00:48:04,395 --> 00:48:07,330 Are you kidding? You just smoked with me last night. 525 00:48:07,398 --> 00:48:09,491 It's not mine. 526 00:48:09,567 --> 00:48:13,333 One of my clients is a nurse in a pediatrician's office. 527 00:48:13,404 --> 00:48:16,999 Cut her a deal, she keeps me in clean piss. 528 00:48:19,076 --> 00:48:21,101 You like Pink Floyd? 529 00:48:22,646 --> 00:48:25,080 I like a lot of music. 530 00:48:26,317 --> 00:48:30,686 Man, I haven't listened to this album in years. 531 00:48:30,754 --> 00:48:33,188 How much do you want? 532 00:48:33,257 --> 00:48:37,193 I don't know. It's been a while. Um, how much is an ounce? 533 00:48:40,864 --> 00:48:43,799 This is totally decent, and it's 300. 534 00:48:45,035 --> 00:48:47,026 Wow! 535 00:48:47,104 --> 00:48:49,698 This shit is top of the line. 536 00:48:49,773 --> 00:48:53,436 It's called G-13. It's genetically engineered by the U.S. government. 537 00:48:53,510 --> 00:48:57,276 It's extremely potent, but a completely mellow high. No paranoia. 538 00:48:58,349 --> 00:49:01,284 Is that what we smoked last night? 539 00:49:01,352 --> 00:49:03,980 This is all I ever smoke. 540 00:49:07,825 --> 00:49:11,317 - How much? - Two grand. 541 00:49:11,395 --> 00:49:13,659 Jesus! 542 00:49:13,731 --> 00:49:16,598 Things have changed since 1973. 543 00:49:16,667 --> 00:49:20,398 - You don't have to pay now. I know you're good for it. - Thanks. 544 00:49:20,471 --> 00:49:22,837 There's a card in there with my beeper number. 545 00:49:22,906 --> 00:49:26,239 Beep me anytime, day or night. 546 00:49:26,310 --> 00:49:28,540 And I only accept cash. 547 00:49:28,612 --> 00:49:32,412 Now I know how you can afford all this equipment. 548 00:49:32,483 --> 00:49:37,420 God. When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to buy an eight-track. 549 00:49:37,488 --> 00:49:41,549 - That sucks. - No, actually it was great. 550 00:49:43,193 --> 00:49:46,128 All I did was party and get laid. 551 00:49:47,765 --> 00:49:50,825 I had my whole life ahead of me. 552 00:49:52,736 --> 00:49:57,070 My dad thinks I pay for all this with catering jobs. 553 00:49:57,141 --> 00:50:00,110 Never underestimate the power of denial. 554 00:50:03,447 --> 00:50:05,779 @@ [Humming] 555 00:50:11,155 --> 00:50:14,147 - @@ [Music Playing, Faint] - [Sniffing] 556 00:50:21,598 --> 00:50:25,557 @ There must be some way out of here @ 557 00:50:25,636 --> 00:50:28,127 @ Said the joker to the thief @ 558 00:50:29,506 --> 00:50:33,101 @ There's too much confusion @ 559 00:50:33,177 --> 00:50:37,273 - @ I can't get no relief @ - What the hell do you think you're doing? 560 00:50:37,348 --> 00:50:40,215 - Uh-oh. Mom's mad. - @@ [Continues] 561 00:50:40,284 --> 00:50:42,343 Bench presses. 562 00:50:42,419 --> 00:50:47,049 I'm going to whale on my pecks, and then I'm going to do my back. 563 00:50:47,124 --> 00:50:50,992 I see you're smoking pot now. I... I'm so glad. 564 00:50:51,061 --> 00:50:53,552 I think using illegal psychotropic substances... 565 00:50:53,630 --> 00:50:56,121 is a very positive example to set for our daughter. 566 00:50:56,200 --> 00:51:00,466 You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak. 567 00:51:01,672 --> 00:51:03,697 Uh... Lester! 568 00:51:03,774 --> 00:51:05,799 You have such hostility in you. 569 00:51:05,876 --> 00:51:10,142 Do you mind? I'm trying to work out here. Unless... you want to spot me. 570 00:51:10,214 --> 00:51:13,809 Lester, you will not get away with this. 571 00:51:13,884 --> 00:51:17,012 - You can be sure of that. - @ There are many here among us @ 572 00:51:17,087 --> 00:51:20,682 - That's... what... - @ Who feel that life is but a joke @@ 573 00:51:20,758 --> 00:51:22,885 you... think. 574 00:51:23,527 --> 00:51:26,587 "My job consists of basically masking... 575 00:51:26,663 --> 00:51:30,360 "my contempt for the assholes in charge... 576 00:51:30,434 --> 00:51:34,097 "and at least once a day retiring to the men's room... 577 00:51:34,171 --> 00:51:36,332 "so I can jerk off... 578 00:51:36,407 --> 00:51:39,035 "while I fantasize about a life... 579 00:51:39,109 --> 00:51:42,545 that doesn't so closely resemble hell." 580 00:51:42,613 --> 00:51:46,344 Well, you obviously have no interest in saving yourself. 581 00:51:46,417 --> 00:51:50,615 Brad, for 14 years, I've been a whore for the advertising industry. 582 00:51:50,687 --> 00:51:54,418 The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing. 583 00:51:54,491 --> 00:51:58,188 Whatever. Management wants you gone by the end of the day. 584 00:51:58,262 --> 00:52:01,425 Just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me, 585 00:52:01,498 --> 00:52:04,023 considering the information I have about our editorial director... 586 00:52:04,101 --> 00:52:06,035 buying pussy with company money? 587 00:52:06,103 --> 00:52:08,833 Which I think would interest the I.R.S., 588 00:52:08,906 --> 00:52:10,965 since it technically constitutes fraud. 589 00:52:11,041 --> 00:52:13,976 And I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications... 590 00:52:14,044 --> 00:52:18,310 might like to know about it as well, not to mention... Craig's wife. 591 00:52:20,417 --> 00:52:24,649 - What do you want? - One year's salary with benefits. 592 00:52:24,721 --> 00:52:27,884 That's not going to happen. 593 00:52:27,958 --> 00:52:31,325 What do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge to boot? 594 00:52:31,395 --> 00:52:35,161 [Laughing] Against who? 595 00:52:35,232 --> 00:52:37,063 [Laughs] Against you. 596 00:52:37,134 --> 00:52:40,661 Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job... 597 00:52:40,737 --> 00:52:43,262 if I let you blow me? 598 00:52:48,378 --> 00:52:51,779 Man... you are one twisted fuck. 599 00:52:53,183 --> 00:52:56,414 Nope. I'm just an ordinary guy... 600 00:52:56,487 --> 00:52:59,183 with nothing to lose. 601 00:53:04,161 --> 00:53:06,129 Yeah. 602 00:53:11,635 --> 00:53:14,263 - Carolyn. - Buddy. 603 00:53:14,338 --> 00:53:18,570 - I am so sorry to have kept you waiting. - Oh. [Chuckles] 604 00:53:18,642 --> 00:53:21,042 Christy left for New York this morning. 605 00:53:21,111 --> 00:53:24,569 Let's just say things were a little... hectic around the house. 606 00:53:24,648 --> 00:53:28,140 - What's she doing in New York? - She's moving there. 607 00:53:28,218 --> 00:53:30,243 Yes, we are splitting up. 608 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,914 Buddy. I'm so sorry. 609 00:53:32,990 --> 00:53:36,653 Yes. According to her, I'm... 610 00:53:36,727 --> 00:53:38,752 too focused on my career. 611 00:53:38,829 --> 00:53:41,821 - [Scoffs] - As if being driven to succeed is... 612 00:53:41,899 --> 00:53:45,630 some sort of a character flaw. [Chuckling] 613 00:53:45,702 --> 00:53:49,695 Well, she certainly did take advantage of the lifestyle my success afforded her. 614 00:53:49,773 --> 00:53:52,264 Ooh! Ha. Wow. [Chuckles] 615 00:53:54,111 --> 00:53:57,274 - Ah, it's for the best. - Mm-hmm. 616 00:53:57,347 --> 00:54:01,841 When I saw you two at the party the other night, you seemed perfectly happy. 617 00:54:01,919 --> 00:54:04,615 Well, call me crazy, 618 00:54:04,688 --> 00:54:09,182 but it is my philosophy that in order to be successful, 619 00:54:09,259 --> 00:54:12,023 one must project an image of success... 620 00:54:12,095 --> 00:54:14,188 at all times. 621 00:54:33,550 --> 00:54:36,576 What are you doing? 622 00:54:36,653 --> 00:54:40,282 - I was filming this dead bird. - Why? 623 00:54:40,357 --> 00:54:42,552 Because it's beautiful. 624 00:54:45,062 --> 00:54:48,725 I think maybe you forgot your medication today, mental boy. 625 00:54:50,701 --> 00:54:52,669 [Ricky] Hi, Jane. 626 00:54:52,736 --> 00:54:55,170 I want you to stop filming me. 627 00:54:57,140 --> 00:54:59,074 Okay. 628 00:54:59,142 --> 00:55:01,702 Well, whatever. This is boring. 629 00:55:01,778 --> 00:55:04,508 Let's go. 630 00:55:04,581 --> 00:55:07,982 - Do you need a ride? - Are you crazy? 631 00:55:08,051 --> 00:55:11,350 I don't want to end up hacked to pieces in a Dumpster somewhere. 632 00:55:11,421 --> 00:55:14,879 It's okay. L'll walk. But thanks. 633 00:55:14,958 --> 00:55:17,324 He doesn't want to go anyway. Let's go. 634 00:55:18,662 --> 00:55:22,359 - Come on, Jane. - I think I'm going to walk too. 635 00:55:22,432 --> 00:55:24,559 What? 636 00:55:24,635 --> 00:55:28,571 Jane, that's, like, almost a mile. 637 00:55:37,848 --> 00:55:40,874 [Screaming, Grunting] 638 00:55:40,951 --> 00:55:44,648 [Laughing, Grunting] Oh, God! 639 00:55:44,721 --> 00:55:47,155 - [Grunting] - I love it! Oh! Oh! 640 00:55:47,224 --> 00:55:50,455 - You like getting nailed by the King? - Oh, yes, I love it! 641 00:55:50,527 --> 00:55:53,360 - Fuck me, Your Majesty! Aah! - Ohh! 642 00:55:53,430 --> 00:55:55,455 - Who's the King? - Oh! You are! 643 00:55:55,532 --> 00:55:57,466 [Both Grunting Loudly] 644 00:55:57,534 --> 00:56:00,128 @@ [Car Stereo: "American Woman"] 645 00:56:04,975 --> 00:56:07,739 @@ [Humming Opening Melody In High Voice] 646 00:56:12,816 --> 00:56:14,977 [Singing Along] @ American woman @ 647 00:56:15,052 --> 00:56:17,987 @ Stay away from me @ 648 00:56:18,055 --> 00:56:20,319 @ American woman @ 649 00:56:20,390 --> 00:56:22,824 @ Mama, let me be @ 650 00:56:24,327 --> 00:56:26,693 @ Don't come knockin' around my door @ 651 00:56:26,763 --> 00:56:29,357 @ I don't wanna see your face no more @ 652 00:56:29,433 --> 00:56:31,799 @ I got better things to do @ 653 00:56:31,868 --> 00:56:34,462 @ Than spend my life growin' old with you @ 654 00:56:34,538 --> 00:56:36,472 @ Now, woman @ 655 00:56:36,540 --> 00:56:38,906 @ Said stay away @ 656 00:56:38,975 --> 00:56:41,307 [Woman Over Speaker] Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's. 657 00:56:41,378 --> 00:56:43,312 - @@ [Volume Decreases] - What? 658 00:56:43,380 --> 00:56:47,646 Would you like to try our new bacon and egg fajita for $1.29 for a limited time only? 659 00:56:47,718 --> 00:56:50,653 Uh, no, but thank you. 660 00:56:50,721 --> 00:56:54,748 I'd like the Big Barn Burger, Smiley Fries and an orange soda. 661 00:56:54,825 --> 00:56:57,293 Please drive up to the window. Thank you. 662 00:56:59,162 --> 00:57:02,791 Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's. That'll be 4.98, please. 663 00:57:02,866 --> 00:57:05,027 @ Mama, let me be @@ 664 00:57:05,102 --> 00:57:07,366 - Would you like some Smiley sauce? - No, no... 665 00:57:07,437 --> 00:57:10,133 Actually, I'd like to fill out an application. 666 00:57:10,207 --> 00:57:14,166 - There's no jobs for manager. It's just for counter. - Good. 667 00:57:14,244 --> 00:57:19,079 I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility. 668 00:57:21,418 --> 00:57:23,716 I don't think you'd fit in here. 669 00:57:23,787 --> 00:57:26,950 I have fast food experience. 670 00:57:27,023 --> 00:57:29,321 [Laughs] Yeah, like 20 years ago. 671 00:57:29,392 --> 00:57:33,294 I'm sure there've been amazing technological advances in the industry, 672 00:57:33,363 --> 00:57:35,957 but surely you must have some sort of training program. 673 00:57:36,032 --> 00:57:38,830 It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn. 674 00:57:43,206 --> 00:57:46,471 - That was exactly what I needed... - Mm. 675 00:57:49,446 --> 00:57:52,506 the "royal treatment," so to speak. 676 00:57:52,582 --> 00:57:54,812 [Chuckling] 677 00:57:54,885 --> 00:57:58,150 I was so stressed out. Ah! 678 00:57:58,221 --> 00:58:00,883 - Ah! Ah. - Mm. 679 00:58:00,957 --> 00:58:04,085 [Both Laughing] 680 00:58:04,161 --> 00:58:06,925 Know what I do when I feel like that? 681 00:58:06,997 --> 00:58:09,329 What? 682 00:58:09,399 --> 00:58:12,334 - I fire a gun. - Really? 683 00:58:12,402 --> 00:58:15,269 Oh, yeah. I go to this little firing range downtown, 684 00:58:15,338 --> 00:58:19,707 and I... just pop off a few rounds. 685 00:58:19,776 --> 00:58:23,712 - I've never fired a gun before. - Well, you've gotta try it. 686 00:58:23,780 --> 00:58:26,715 Nothing makes you feel more powerful. 687 00:58:28,785 --> 00:58:31,117 Well... 688 00:58:31,188 --> 00:58:33,383 almost nothing. 689 00:58:37,761 --> 00:58:41,253 - So, do you like your new house? - I like it. 690 00:58:41,331 --> 00:58:44,858 The people who used to live there fed these stray cats, so they were always around, 691 00:58:44,935 --> 00:58:47,597 and it drove my mother nuts. 692 00:58:47,671 --> 00:58:51,630 And then she cut down their tree. 693 00:58:51,708 --> 00:58:53,801 Is that a funeral? 694 00:58:53,877 --> 00:58:58,211 Yeah. Have you ever known anybody who died? 695 00:58:58,281 --> 00:59:01,216 No. Have you? 696 00:59:01,284 --> 00:59:03,377 No. 697 00:59:03,453 --> 00:59:06,286 But I did see this homeless woman who froze to death once... 698 00:59:06,356 --> 00:59:08,790 just laying there on the sidewalk. 699 00:59:08,859 --> 00:59:11,123 She looked really sad. 700 00:59:24,140 --> 00:59:27,234 I got that homeless woman on videotape. 701 00:59:27,310 --> 00:59:29,403 Why would you film that? 702 00:59:29,479 --> 00:59:33,245 - Because it was amazing. - What's amazing about it? 703 00:59:33,316 --> 00:59:37,446 When you see something like that, it's like God is looking right at you, 704 00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:39,511 just for a second, 705 00:59:39,589 --> 00:59:42,456 and if you're careful, you can look right back. 706 00:59:42,525 --> 00:59:45,392 And what do you see? 707 00:59:45,462 --> 00:59:47,430 Beauty. 708 00:59:48,932 --> 00:59:51,696 [Clock Ticking] 709 01:00:03,313 --> 01:00:06,407 Mom, I want you to meet somebody. 710 01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:13,055 - Mom. - Yes? 711 01:00:15,292 --> 01:00:19,456 I want you to meet somebody. This is Jane. 712 01:00:19,529 --> 01:00:21,827 - Hi. - Oh, my. 713 01:00:21,898 --> 01:00:25,390 I apologize for the way things look around here. 714 01:00:31,441 --> 01:00:33,500 [Door Opens, Closes] 715 01:00:35,412 --> 01:00:37,972 [Ricky] This is where my dad hides out. 716 01:00:38,048 --> 01:00:40,482 [Jane] I take it he's got a thing for guns. 717 01:00:42,052 --> 01:00:46,011 You gotta see this one thing. 718 01:00:46,089 --> 01:00:49,525 My dad would kill me if he knew I was in here. 719 01:00:49,592 --> 01:00:51,617 Did you steal his keys? 720 01:00:51,695 --> 01:00:54,630 No. One of my clients is a locksmith. 721 01:00:54,698 --> 01:00:58,634 He was short on cash one night, so I let him pay me in trade. 722 01:01:11,848 --> 01:01:14,009 Turn it over. 723 01:01:17,287 --> 01:01:19,983 Oh, my God. 724 01:01:20,056 --> 01:01:22,490 It's, like, official state china of the Third Reich. 725 01:01:22,559 --> 01:01:26,461 There's a whole subculture of people who collect this Nazi shit. 726 01:01:26,529 --> 01:01:29,054 But my dad just has this one thing. 727 01:01:41,177 --> 01:01:44,510 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 728 01:01:44,581 --> 01:01:47,550 No, you're scared of me. 729 01:01:48,651 --> 01:01:50,846 No, I'm not. 730 01:01:50,920 --> 01:01:55,414 You want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed? 731 01:02:18,148 --> 01:02:20,582 It was one of those days... 732 01:02:20,650 --> 01:02:23,585 where it's a minute away from snowing, 733 01:02:25,822 --> 01:02:28,757 and there was this electricity in the air. 734 01:02:31,227 --> 01:02:33,821 You can almost hear it. 735 01:02:33,897 --> 01:02:35,990 Right? 736 01:02:39,736 --> 01:02:43,604 And this bag was just... 737 01:02:43,673 --> 01:02:46,437 dancing with me, 738 01:02:48,478 --> 01:02:53,347 like a little kid begging me to play with it, 739 01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:56,010 for 15 minutes. 740 01:02:59,489 --> 01:03:03,585 That's the day I realized that there was this... 741 01:03:03,660 --> 01:03:07,562 entire life behind things... 742 01:03:10,700 --> 01:03:14,796 and this incredibly benevolent force... 743 01:03:14,871 --> 01:03:19,171 that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid... 744 01:03:20,743 --> 01:03:22,938 ever. 745 01:03:25,181 --> 01:03:27,775 Video's a poor excuse, I know, 746 01:03:30,553 --> 01:03:33,044 but it helps me remember. 747 01:03:36,759 --> 01:03:39,159 I need to remember. 748 01:03:46,069 --> 01:03:49,334 Sometimes there's so much... 749 01:03:49,405 --> 01:03:52,272 beauty... 750 01:03:52,342 --> 01:03:54,776 in the world. 751 01:03:56,212 --> 01:03:59,648 I feel like I can't take it... 752 01:04:02,819 --> 01:04:05,686 and my heart... 753 01:04:05,755 --> 01:04:08,315 is just going to... 754 01:04:08,391 --> 01:04:10,689 cave in. 755 01:04:57,207 --> 01:05:00,802 Oh, my God. What time is it? 756 01:05:01,010 --> 01:05:03,171 @@ [Lounge] 757 01:05:07,750 --> 01:05:10,412 - Sorry I'm late. - No, that's quite all right, dear. 758 01:05:10,486 --> 01:05:13,353 Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. 759 01:05:13,423 --> 01:05:15,857 Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey? 760 01:05:15,925 --> 01:05:18,985 - Janie, today I quit my job. - [Laughing] 761 01:05:19,062 --> 01:05:21,997 Then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost $60,000. 762 01:05:22,065 --> 01:05:23,930 - Pass the asparagus. - Your father seems to think... 763 01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,468 this kind of behavior is something to be proud of. 764 01:05:26,536 --> 01:05:29,300 And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner... 765 01:05:29,372 --> 01:05:31,636 while she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink. 766 01:05:31,708 --> 01:05:34,302 How dare you speak to me that way in front of her? 767 01:05:34,377 --> 01:05:36,971 And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me... 768 01:05:37,046 --> 01:05:39,537 on the same day that you lose your job! 769 01:05:39,616 --> 01:05:41,811 I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops, where did my job go?" 770 01:05:41,884 --> 01:05:43,818 I quit! Pass the asparagus. 771 01:05:43,886 --> 01:05:47,151 Oh, oh, oh! And I want to thank you for putting me under the added pressure... 772 01:05:47,223 --> 01:05:49,282 of being the sole breadwinner now. 773 01:05:49,359 --> 01:05:51,293 - I already have a job. - No, no! 774 01:05:51,361 --> 01:05:53,955 Don't give a second thought as to who's going to pay the mortgage. 775 01:05:54,030 --> 01:05:56,294 We'll leave it up to Carolyn. "You're going to take care of everything now, Carolyn?" 776 01:05:56,366 --> 01:05:58,129 "Yes. I don't mind." 777 01:05:58,201 --> 01:06:00,829 "Everything? You don't mind having the sole responsibility? 778 01:06:00,903 --> 01:06:03,497 Your husband feels he can just quit his job, and you don't..." 779 01:06:03,573 --> 01:06:05,803 Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus? 780 01:06:05,875 --> 01:06:08,469 - I'm not going to be a part of this. - Sit down! 781 01:06:08,544 --> 01:06:12,913 @ And I'm irresponsibly mad @ 782 01:06:12,982 --> 01:06:15,849 @ For you @ 783 01:06:15,918 --> 01:06:19,012 @ Go on and call me @ 784 01:06:19,088 --> 01:06:21,022 @ Unpredictable @ 785 01:06:21,090 --> 01:06:25,151 @ Tell me that I'm impractical @ 786 01:06:25,228 --> 01:06:28,789 @ Rainbows I'm inclined to pursue @ 787 01:06:28,865 --> 01:06:32,198 I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. 788 01:06:32,268 --> 01:06:36,364 You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain. 789 01:06:36,439 --> 01:06:39,704 - All I want... - Oh, you don't complain? Oh, please! Excuse me! 790 01:06:39,776 --> 01:06:42,711 I must be psychotic then! If you don't complain, what is this? 791 01:06:42,779 --> 01:06:47,148 Yeah, let's bring in the laugh meter and see how loud it gets on that one. 792 01:06:49,952 --> 01:06:53,945 @ Mad for you @@ 793 01:06:57,894 --> 01:07:00,158 Don't interrupt me, honey. 794 01:07:07,236 --> 01:07:09,670 @@ [Lush Instrumental] 795 01:07:14,143 --> 01:07:16,168 And another thing. 796 01:07:16,245 --> 01:07:18,839 From now on, we're going to alternate our dinner music, 797 01:07:18,915 --> 01:07:21,509 because, frankly... and I don't think I'm alone here... 798 01:07:21,584 --> 01:07:24,951 I am really tired of this Lawrence Welk shit. 799 01:07:28,191 --> 01:07:30,785 @ A bright, shiny world @ 800 01:07:30,860 --> 01:07:33,454 [Knock At Door] 801 01:07:33,529 --> 01:07:36,225 - Go away. - [Carolyn] Please. 802 01:07:36,299 --> 01:07:38,392 Please let me in. 803 01:07:47,043 --> 01:07:50,103 Look, I wish that you hadn't witnessed that awful scene tonight, 804 01:07:50,179 --> 01:07:52,113 but in a way, I'm glad. 805 01:07:52,181 --> 01:07:55,810 Why? So I could see what freaks you and Dad really are? 806 01:07:55,885 --> 01:07:57,978 Me? 807 01:07:59,555 --> 01:08:02,319 Tsk. God. 808 01:08:02,392 --> 01:08:05,020 - Oh, Christ. Mom. - [Sobbing] 809 01:08:05,094 --> 01:08:07,995 No, I'm glad because, uh... 810 01:08:10,233 --> 01:08:15,728 because you're old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life: 811 01:08:15,805 --> 01:08:19,969 You cannot count on anyone except yourself. 812 01:08:22,478 --> 01:08:24,742 [Sighs] 813 01:08:24,814 --> 01:08:27,977 You cannot count on anyone except yourself. 814 01:08:29,419 --> 01:08:32,286 You know, it's sad but true, 815 01:08:32,355 --> 01:08:34,721 and the sooner you learn it, the better. 816 01:08:34,791 --> 01:08:38,727 Look, Mom, I really don't feel like having a Kodak moment here. 817 01:08:38,795 --> 01:08:41,662 - [Gasps] - You ungrateful little brat! 818 01:08:41,731 --> 01:08:44,791 Just look at everything you have! 819 01:08:44,867 --> 01:08:47,461 When I was your age, I lived in a duplex! 820 01:08:47,537 --> 01:08:51,496 We didn't even have our own house. 821 01:10:51,093 --> 01:10:53,027 - [Door Slams Open] - You little bastard! 822 01:10:53,095 --> 01:10:55,029 Dad, no, I just... 823 01:10:55,097 --> 01:10:57,190 How did you get in there? 824 01:10:57,266 --> 01:10:59,131 How? How? 825 01:11:01,070 --> 01:11:03,436 Come on! Get up! Come on! 826 01:11:03,506 --> 01:11:05,337 Get up! 827 01:11:05,408 --> 01:11:07,433 Fight back, you little pussy! 828 01:11:07,510 --> 01:11:10,206 - No, sir, I won't fight you. - How? 829 01:11:10,279 --> 01:11:13,271 - How did you get in there? - I picked the lock, sir. 830 01:11:13,349 --> 01:11:17,012 What were you looking for, huh? Money? Are you on dope again? 831 01:11:17,086 --> 01:11:20,886 No, sir. I wanted to show my girlfriend your Nazi plate. 832 01:11:20,957 --> 01:11:22,788 A girlfriend? 833 01:11:22,858 --> 01:11:25,520 Yes, sir. She lives next door. [Panting] 834 01:11:38,441 --> 01:11:41,103 Her name's Jane. [Coughing] 835 01:11:42,478 --> 01:11:44,412 [Panting] 836 01:12:00,096 --> 01:12:03,031 This is for your own good, boy. 837 01:12:05,334 --> 01:12:10,033 You have no respect for other people's things and for authority... 838 01:12:10,106 --> 01:12:12,165 Yes, sir. I'm sorry. 839 01:12:12,241 --> 01:12:16,405 Can't just go around doing whatever you feel like. 840 01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:18,913 You can't. There are rules in life. 841 01:12:18,981 --> 01:12:21,745 Yes, sir. 842 01:12:23,719 --> 01:12:27,120 You need structure, yeah. You need... 843 01:12:27,189 --> 01:12:30,158 - [Together] Discipline. - Yes, sir. Thank you for trying to teach me. 844 01:12:30,226 --> 01:12:32,524 Don't give up on me, Dad. 845 01:12:37,333 --> 01:12:39,267 Oh, Ricky. 846 01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,902 You stay out of there. 847 01:12:46,976 --> 01:12:49,376 [Grunts] 848 01:13:03,659 --> 01:13:05,923 [Grunts] 849 01:13:08,931 --> 01:13:11,695 [Grunts] 850 01:13:13,936 --> 01:13:17,235 [Gasps, Groans] 851 01:13:19,608 --> 01:13:21,701 [Whimpers] 852 01:13:27,149 --> 01:13:28,810 [Shells Clanking Onto Floor] 853 01:13:34,390 --> 01:13:36,654 - Whoo! - I gotta say, Mrs. Burnham, 854 01:13:36,726 --> 01:13:40,719 when you first came here, I thought you would be hopeless, but you're a natural. 855 01:13:40,796 --> 01:13:44,323 Well, all I know is I love shooting this gun. 856 01:13:46,235 --> 01:13:49,602 [Singing Along With Radio] @ Don't tell me not to fly I've simply got to @ 857 01:13:49,672 --> 01:13:52,903 @ If someone takes a spill it's me and not you @ 858 01:13:52,975 --> 01:13:59,312 @ Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade @ 859 01:13:59,381 --> 01:14:02,509 @ I'm gonna march my band out @ 860 01:14:02,585 --> 01:14:06,112 @ l'll beat my drum @ 861 01:14:06,188 --> 01:14:09,487 @ And if I'm found out @ 862 01:14:09,558 --> 01:14:11,856 @ Your turn at bat, sir @ 863 01:14:11,927 --> 01:14:14,020 - @ Hey @ - @ At least I didn't fake it @ 864 01:14:14,096 --> 01:14:17,395 @ Hat, sir, so what I didn't make it @ 865 01:14:17,466 --> 01:14:21,903 @ Nobody @ 866 01:14:21,971 --> 01:14:27,534 @ I said nobody @ 867 01:14:27,610 --> 01:14:30,306 @ Nobody @ 868 01:14:30,379 --> 01:14:33,974 @ Had better rain @ 869 01:14:34,049 --> 01:14:36,813 @ On my @ 870 01:14:36,886 --> 01:14:41,016 @ Parade @ 871 01:14:41,090 --> 01:14:43,058 @ Yeah @@ 872 01:14:44,426 --> 01:14:46,360 [Stomps] 873 01:14:49,064 --> 01:14:51,294 [Yells] 874 01:14:52,802 --> 01:14:55,396 [Sighs] 875 01:14:55,471 --> 01:14:57,439 [Fingernails Tapping] 876 01:14:57,506 --> 01:14:59,440 What? 877 01:14:59,508 --> 01:15:02,170 Uh, whose car is that out front? 878 01:15:02,244 --> 01:15:04,735 Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird, 879 01:15:04,814 --> 01:15:07,681 the car I've always wanted, and now I have it. 880 01:15:07,750 --> 01:15:10,446 - I rule! - Uh-huh. Where's the Camry? 881 01:15:10,519 --> 01:15:12,612 I traded it in. 882 01:15:12,688 --> 01:15:17,022 - Shouldn't you have consulted me first? - Hm, let me think. 883 01:15:17,092 --> 01:15:19,322 No. You never drove it. 884 01:15:21,130 --> 01:15:24,122 Have you done something different? You look great. 885 01:15:27,236 --> 01:15:29,204 [Sighs] 886 01:15:29,271 --> 01:15:31,205 Where's Jane? 887 01:15:31,273 --> 01:15:33,468 Jane not home. 888 01:15:40,015 --> 01:15:41,949 We have... 889 01:15:44,553 --> 01:15:47,613 the whole house... 890 01:15:47,690 --> 01:15:50,250 to ourselves. 891 01:15:52,428 --> 01:15:55,261 Christ, Carolyn. 892 01:15:55,331 --> 01:15:57,765 When did you become so... 893 01:15:59,401 --> 01:16:02,461 joyless? 894 01:16:02,538 --> 01:16:05,132 Joyless? 895 01:16:05,207 --> 01:16:07,767 I am not joyless. 896 01:16:07,843 --> 01:16:10,437 There happens to be a lot about me... 897 01:16:10,512 --> 01:16:14,448 that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. 898 01:16:14,516 --> 01:16:17,849 There's plenty of joy in my life. 899 01:16:20,256 --> 01:16:22,747 Whatever happened to that girl... 900 01:16:25,794 --> 01:16:31,528 who used to fake seizures at frat parties when she got bored? 901 01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:36,469 Who used to run up to the roof of our first apartment building... 902 01:16:36,538 --> 01:16:39,302 to flash the traffic helicopters? 903 01:16:39,375 --> 01:16:44,074 - [Chuckles] - Have you totally forgotten about her? 904 01:16:44,146 --> 01:16:46,307 Because I haven't. 905 01:16:48,150 --> 01:16:50,243 [Sighs] 906 01:16:59,395 --> 01:17:02,660 Lester, you're going to spill beer on the couch. 907 01:17:09,738 --> 01:17:11,672 So what? It's just a couch. 908 01:17:13,976 --> 01:17:16,308 This is a $4,000 sofa, 909 01:17:16,378 --> 01:17:18,312 upholstered in Italian silk. 910 01:17:18,380 --> 01:17:20,473 This is not just a couch. 911 01:17:20,549 --> 01:17:24,315 It's just... a... couch! 912 01:17:24,386 --> 01:17:26,581 This isn't life! 913 01:17:26,655 --> 01:17:28,850 This is just stuff, 914 01:17:28,924 --> 01:17:31,518 and it's become more important to you than living. 915 01:17:31,593 --> 01:17:33,788 Well, honey, that's just nuts. 916 01:17:42,838 --> 01:17:45,363 I'm only trying to help you! 917 01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:53,277 [Sighs] Don't. 918 01:17:53,349 --> 01:17:55,442 [Ricky] Why? 919 01:17:58,220 --> 01:18:00,711 It's weird watching myself. 920 01:18:00,789 --> 01:18:03,223 I don't like how I look. 921 01:18:05,794 --> 01:18:08,729 I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are. 922 01:18:08,797 --> 01:18:12,790 Look. I'm not going to sit here for that shit. 923 01:18:21,210 --> 01:18:24,179 Ha! How does it feel now? 924 01:18:24,246 --> 01:18:26,214 Fine. 925 01:18:26,281 --> 01:18:28,272 You don't feel naked? 926 01:18:29,651 --> 01:18:31,915 I am naked. 927 01:18:31,987 --> 01:18:34,421 You know what I mean. 928 01:18:43,499 --> 01:18:46,593 So tell me about being in the hospital. 929 01:18:49,605 --> 01:18:53,598 When I was 15, my dad caught me smoking dope. 930 01:18:53,675 --> 01:18:58,874 He totally freaked and decided to send me to military school. 931 01:18:58,947 --> 01:19:02,439 I told you this whole thing about structure and discipline, right? 932 01:19:02,518 --> 01:19:06,113 Of course, I got kicked out. 933 01:19:06,188 --> 01:19:08,622 Dad and I had this huge fight. 934 01:19:08,690 --> 01:19:11,818 He hit me. 935 01:19:11,894 --> 01:19:15,853 And the next day at school, some kid made a crack about my haircut, 936 01:19:17,666 --> 01:19:19,759 and I just snapped. 937 01:19:23,439 --> 01:19:26,840 I wanted to kill him. 938 01:19:26,909 --> 01:19:29,275 I would've... killed him... 939 01:19:31,280 --> 01:19:33,874 if they hadn't pulled me off. 940 01:19:36,985 --> 01:19:41,012 That's when my dad put me in the hospital. 941 01:19:41,090 --> 01:19:44,924 They drugged me up and left me in there for two years. 942 01:19:46,395 --> 01:19:48,727 Wow. 943 01:19:48,797 --> 01:19:51,857 - You must really hate him. - [Lighter Clicking] 944 01:19:51,934 --> 01:19:54,630 [Whispers] No. 945 01:19:54,703 --> 01:19:56,864 He's not a bad man. 946 01:19:56,939 --> 01:20:01,569 Well, you'd better believe I'd hate my dad if he did something like that to me. 947 01:20:01,643 --> 01:20:03,474 Wait. 948 01:20:03,545 --> 01:20:05,809 I already do hate my dad. 949 01:20:07,683 --> 01:20:09,776 Why? 950 01:20:11,787 --> 01:20:15,382 He's a total asshole; he's got this crush on my friend Angela, 951 01:20:15,457 --> 01:20:17,687 and it's disgusting. 952 01:20:17,759 --> 01:20:21,320 - You'd rather he had the crush on you. - [Chuckles] 953 01:20:21,396 --> 01:20:23,660 - Gross. No. - [Chuckling] 954 01:20:27,069 --> 01:20:31,563 But it'd be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is. 955 01:20:34,643 --> 01:20:39,580 I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong. 956 01:20:39,648 --> 01:20:42,913 He's doing massive psychological damage to me. 957 01:20:42,985 --> 01:20:45,180 How? 958 01:20:45,254 --> 01:20:48,781 Well, now I, too, need structure, 959 01:20:48,857 --> 01:20:52,020 a little fucking discipline. 960 01:21:02,604 --> 01:21:05,266 I'm serious, though. 961 01:21:05,340 --> 01:21:08,275 How could he not be damaging me? 962 01:21:10,212 --> 01:21:13,147 I need a father who's a role model, 963 01:21:13,215 --> 01:21:15,809 not some horny geek boy who's going to spray his shorts... 964 01:21:15,884 --> 01:21:20,617 whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. 965 01:21:20,689 --> 01:21:22,953 What a lame-o. 966 01:21:25,394 --> 01:21:28,591 Someone really should just... put him out of his misery. 967 01:21:32,034 --> 01:21:34,730 Want me to kill him for you? 968 01:21:43,412 --> 01:21:45,607 Yeah. Would you? 969 01:21:47,349 --> 01:21:49,317 It'll cost you. 970 01:21:49,384 --> 01:21:52,080 I've been baby-sitting since I was about ten. 971 01:21:52,154 --> 01:21:54,679 I've got almost $3,000. 972 01:21:57,259 --> 01:22:00,023 Of course I was saving it up for a boob job. 973 01:22:01,530 --> 01:22:03,691 But... 974 01:22:06,001 --> 01:22:08,299 [Laughing] 975 01:22:08,370 --> 01:22:10,463 [Both Laughing] 976 01:22:17,212 --> 01:22:20,648 You know, that's not a very nice thing to do... 977 01:22:23,018 --> 01:22:25,452 hiring someone to kill your dad. 978 01:22:28,190 --> 01:22:32,854 Well, I guess I'm not a very nice girl then, am I? 979 01:22:55,350 --> 01:22:58,046 You know I'm not serious, right? 980 01:22:59,121 --> 01:23:01,146 Of course. 981 01:23:15,804 --> 01:23:19,672 You know how lucky we are to have found each other? 982 01:23:23,979 --> 01:23:26,447 [Lester Narrating] Remember those posters that said... 983 01:23:26,515 --> 01:23:30,918 "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? 984 01:23:30,986 --> 01:23:35,582 Well, that's true with every day except one... 985 01:23:35,657 --> 01:23:37,887 the day you die. 986 01:23:37,959 --> 01:23:40,792 @ I've looked under chairs @ 987 01:23:40,862 --> 01:23:43,262 @ I've looked under tables @ 988 01:23:43,332 --> 01:23:47,928 @ I've tried to find the key to 50 million fables @ 989 01:23:48,003 --> 01:23:50,198 @ They call me the Seeker @ 990 01:23:52,441 --> 01:23:56,969 @ I've been searching low and high @ 991 01:23:59,514 --> 01:24:03,075 - @@ [Whistling Melody] - @ I won't get to get what I'm after @ 992 01:24:03,151 --> 01:24:05,142 @ Till the day I die @ 993 01:24:05,220 --> 01:24:07,245 @@ [Whistling Continues] 994 01:24:11,259 --> 01:24:15,821 @ I asked Bobby Dylan I asked the Beatles @@ 995 01:24:16,932 --> 01:24:18,729 Jane, hurry up. 996 01:24:18,800 --> 01:24:21,894 I've got a very important appointment. 997 01:24:21,970 --> 01:24:26,134 - Is it okay if Angela sleeps over tonight? - She's always welcome. 998 01:24:26,208 --> 01:24:30,577 I thought you two had a fight. I haven't seen her around here in a while. 999 01:24:33,348 --> 01:24:35,782 [Door Opens, Closes] 1000 01:24:37,552 --> 01:24:39,520 What? 1001 01:24:39,588 --> 01:24:42,682 I've been too embarrassed to bring her over, 1002 01:24:42,758 --> 01:24:45,352 because of you and that way that you behave. 1003 01:24:45,427 --> 01:24:48,794 - What are you talking about? I've barely even spoken to her. - Dad! 1004 01:24:48,864 --> 01:24:52,231 You stare at her all the time like you're drunk! 1005 01:24:52,300 --> 01:24:54,564 - It's disgusting! - You better watch yourself, 1006 01:24:54,636 --> 01:24:59,300 or you're going to turn into a real bitch just like your mother! 1007 01:25:01,543 --> 01:25:03,477 [Whispers] Oh, fuck. 1008 01:25:11,386 --> 01:25:13,877 You ready to go? 1009 01:25:13,955 --> 01:25:16,150 Oh, I-I don't need a ride. 1010 01:25:16,224 --> 01:25:18,658 I'm going with Jane and her mom. 1011 01:25:25,634 --> 01:25:27,568 [Carolyn] Oh, morning! 1012 01:25:27,636 --> 01:25:29,627 [Lester] Yo, Ricky! 1013 01:25:29,704 --> 01:25:32,639 - How's it going? - Pretty decent, Mr. Burnham. 1014 01:25:32,707 --> 01:25:34,800 [Whispers] Hey. Wait. 1015 01:26:53,421 --> 01:26:56,356 [Man] I need that Super Smiley with cheese ASAP! 1016 01:26:56,424 --> 01:26:59,291 - You need more than that, my little hombre. - May I take your order? 1017 01:26:59,361 --> 01:27:02,387 - [Carolyn Over Speaker] Oh, yeah! What's good here? - [Buddy] Nothing. 1018 01:27:02,464 --> 01:27:05,490 Oh, well, then I guess we'll just have to be bad, won't we? 1019 01:27:05,567 --> 01:27:08,934 [Laughs] l'll have a Double Smiley sandwich, 1020 01:27:09,004 --> 01:27:11,495 - Curly fries and a vanilla shake. - [Buddy] Make that two. 1021 01:27:11,573 --> 01:27:15,441 [Woman] That'll be 7.98. Please drive up to the window. Thank you. 1022 01:27:15,510 --> 01:27:19,947 I think we deserve a little junk food after the workout we had this morning. 1023 01:27:20,015 --> 01:27:21,880 [Both Laughing] 1024 01:27:21,950 --> 01:27:25,442 - Did you know that? - Thank you. I'm flattered. 1025 01:27:25,520 --> 01:27:28,148 Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's! 1026 01:27:29,758 --> 01:27:32,852 Would you like to try our new beef and cheese pot pie on a stick? 1027 01:27:32,928 --> 01:27:35,419 Just $1.99 for a limited time only. 1028 01:27:35,497 --> 01:27:40,457 - We were just at a seminar. Buddy, this is my... - Her husband. 1029 01:27:40,535 --> 01:27:42,969 We've met before, but something tells me... 1030 01:27:43,038 --> 01:27:45,438 you're going to remember me this time. 1031 01:27:45,507 --> 01:27:47,532 [Woman] Whoa! 1032 01:27:47,609 --> 01:27:50,635 You are so busted. 1033 01:27:50,712 --> 01:27:52,771 This really doesn't concern you. 1034 01:27:52,847 --> 01:27:57,546 Well, actually, Janine is senior drive-thru manager, so you are on her turf. 1035 01:27:59,854 --> 01:28:04,382 - [Sighs] - So, this makes sense. 1036 01:28:04,459 --> 01:28:06,950 - Oh, Lester... - Honey, it's okay. 1037 01:28:07,028 --> 01:28:10,794 I want you to be happy. Would you like Smiley Sauce with that? 1038 01:28:10,865 --> 01:28:12,799 - Lester, just stop it! - No, no. 1039 01:28:12,867 --> 01:28:14,960 You... 1040 01:28:15,036 --> 01:28:18,130 don't get to tell me what to do... 1041 01:28:18,206 --> 01:28:20,572 ever again. 1042 01:28:21,943 --> 01:28:25,140 [Thunder Rumbling] 1043 01:28:30,885 --> 01:28:33,217 [Sighs] 1044 01:28:34,522 --> 01:28:36,513 - I'm sorry. - [Fingers Tapping] 1045 01:28:37,959 --> 01:28:40,894 I guess we should cool it for a while. 1046 01:28:42,964 --> 01:28:46,127 I'm facing a potentially very expensive divorce. 1047 01:28:46,201 --> 01:28:49,102 No, no, I understand completely. 1048 01:28:49,170 --> 01:28:51,536 It's... 1049 01:28:51,606 --> 01:28:56,805 "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times." 1050 01:29:18,500 --> 01:29:20,798 [Ignition Starting] 1051 01:29:23,138 --> 01:29:25,402 Stop it. Stop it. 1052 01:29:30,979 --> 01:29:35,075 [Yelling] 1053 01:29:39,921 --> 01:29:42,014 @ Oh, oh, whoa @ 1054 01:29:48,163 --> 01:29:52,532 - @ There she stood in the street @ - [Exhales] 1055 01:29:52,600 --> 01:29:55,569 @ Smiling from her head to her feet @ 1056 01:29:55,637 --> 01:29:58,936 @ I said Hey, what is this @ 1057 01:29:59,007 --> 01:30:01,134 @ Now, baby, maybe @ 1058 01:30:01,209 --> 01:30:04,042 @ Maybe she's in need of a kiss @ 1059 01:30:04,112 --> 01:30:07,411 - @ I said, Hey, what's your name @@ - Shit. 1060 01:30:07,482 --> 01:30:09,712 [Beeper Beeping] 1061 01:30:14,355 --> 01:30:16,448 I have to run next door. 1062 01:30:16,524 --> 01:30:20,620 Jane left her geometry book in my bag, and she needs it to do her homework. 1063 01:30:29,370 --> 01:30:34,137 So you and psycho boy are fucking on, like, a regular basis now, right? 1064 01:30:34,209 --> 01:30:36,234 No. 1065 01:30:36,311 --> 01:30:39,371 Come on. You can tell me. Does he have a big dick? 1066 01:30:39,447 --> 01:30:43,884 I'm not going to talk about his dick with you, okay? It's not like that. 1067 01:30:43,952 --> 01:30:47,319 Not like what? Doesn't he have one? 1068 01:30:47,388 --> 01:30:49,652 Why don't you want to talk about it? 1069 01:30:49,724 --> 01:30:53,125 - I tell you every detail about every guy that I fuck. - Yeah. 1070 01:30:53,194 --> 01:30:58,029 Maybe you shouldn't, all right? Maybe I really don't want to hear about all that. 1071 01:30:58,099 --> 01:31:01,830 So now that you have a boyfriend, you're, like, above it? 1072 01:31:01,903 --> 01:31:05,896 We got to get you a real man. 1073 01:31:25,860 --> 01:31:29,455 - You got any papers? - Yeah, in the cigar box right over there. 1074 01:31:29,531 --> 01:31:33,092 Put up a fight, dude. You are such a pushover. "No, I can't, really. Okay." 1075 01:31:33,168 --> 01:31:35,432 You should learn to roll a joint. 1076 01:32:21,950 --> 01:32:24,475 [Car Door Closes] 1077 01:32:39,601 --> 01:32:41,762 Oh! Hi. 1078 01:32:41,836 --> 01:32:44,862 - [Jane] Where's Mom? - Don't know. 1079 01:32:44,939 --> 01:32:48,204 - Hi, Mr. Burnham. - Hi. 1080 01:32:48,276 --> 01:32:52,679 Wow, look at you. Have you been working out? 1081 01:32:52,747 --> 01:32:55,443 - Some. - [Sighs] 1082 01:32:58,987 --> 01:33:01,251 You can really tell. 1083 01:33:03,691 --> 01:33:05,784 Look at those arms. 1084 01:33:10,231 --> 01:33:12,461 You like... muscles? 1085 01:33:14,035 --> 01:33:18,938 [Laughs] I should probably go see what Jane's up to. 1086 01:33:30,084 --> 01:33:32,348 Where did you get that? 1087 01:33:34,289 --> 01:33:37,383 - From my job. - Don't lie to me. 1088 01:33:40,028 --> 01:33:42,997 Now, I saw you with him. 1089 01:33:43,064 --> 01:33:45,464 You were watching me? 1090 01:33:46,634 --> 01:33:48,932 What does he make you do? 1091 01:33:49,003 --> 01:33:51,471 Oh. [Laughing] 1092 01:33:51,539 --> 01:33:54,303 Dad, you don't really think me and Mr. Burnham... 1093 01:33:54,375 --> 01:33:57,606 Don't you laugh at me! 1094 01:33:57,679 --> 01:34:02,582 I will not sit back and watch my only son become a cocksucker! 1095 01:34:02,650 --> 01:34:04,584 Jesus, what is it with you? 1096 01:34:04,652 --> 01:34:07,280 [Groans] 1097 01:34:07,355 --> 01:34:09,687 I swear to God... 1098 01:34:09,757 --> 01:34:12,487 l'll throw you out of this house and never look at you again! 1099 01:34:12,560 --> 01:34:16,587 - You mean that. - You're damn straight I do! 1100 01:34:16,664 --> 01:34:20,600 I'd rather you were dead than be a fuckin' faggot! 1101 01:34:27,208 --> 01:34:29,142 [Sighs] 1102 01:34:31,779 --> 01:34:34,043 You're right. 1103 01:34:37,352 --> 01:34:40,344 - I suck dick for money. - Boy, don't start. 1104 01:34:40,421 --> 01:34:44,323 - Two thousand dollars. I'm that good. - Get out! 1105 01:34:44,392 --> 01:34:48,852 You should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three states. 1106 01:34:48,930 --> 01:34:52,696 Damn it, get out! I don't ever want to see you again. 1107 01:34:56,537 --> 01:34:58,562 [Sobs] 1108 01:34:58,639 --> 01:35:02,632 What a sad... old man you are. 1109 01:35:03,878 --> 01:35:05,812 Get out. 1110 01:35:05,880 --> 01:35:08,041 [Sobbing] 1111 01:35:12,020 --> 01:35:14,045 [Muttering] 1112 01:35:31,706 --> 01:35:35,369 Mom... I'm leaving. 1113 01:35:35,443 --> 01:35:37,604 Okay. 1114 01:35:40,281 --> 01:35:42,249 Wear a raincoat. 1115 01:35:49,357 --> 01:35:52,292 I wish things would have been better for you. 1116 01:35:56,297 --> 01:35:58,265 Take care of Dad. 1117 01:36:30,231 --> 01:36:32,791 [Man On Audiotape] ...disinvesting problems of power... 1118 01:36:32,867 --> 01:36:35,700 and removing their ability to make us afraid. 1119 01:36:35,770 --> 01:36:39,137 This is the secret to "Me-Centered Living." 1120 01:36:39,207 --> 01:36:41,937 Only by taking full responsibility... 1121 01:36:42,009 --> 01:36:44,375 for your actions and their solutions... 1122 01:36:44,445 --> 01:36:48,438 will you ever break free from the constant cycle of victimhood. 1123 01:36:48,516 --> 01:36:53,954 You are only a victim if you choose to be a victim. We all have the power... 1124 01:36:54,021 --> 01:36:56,649 [Jane] I don't think we can be friends anymore! 1125 01:36:56,724 --> 01:36:58,658 [Angela] You're too uptight about sex. 1126 01:36:58,726 --> 01:37:02,059 Just don't fuck my dad, all right? 1127 01:37:02,130 --> 01:37:04,257 - Please? - Why not? 1128 01:37:04,332 --> 01:37:07,768 - [Knock At Door] - [Sighs] Dad, leave us alone! 1129 01:37:07,835 --> 01:37:10,326 It's me. 1130 01:37:10,404 --> 01:37:13,703 - If I had to leave tonight, would you come with me? - What? 1131 01:37:13,774 --> 01:37:17,335 If I had to go to New York to live, tonight, would you come with me? 1132 01:37:19,046 --> 01:37:21,071 Yes. 1133 01:37:21,149 --> 01:37:25,609 You guys can't be serious. You're just a kid, and he's, like, a mental case. 1134 01:37:25,686 --> 01:37:29,645 - You'll end up living in a box on the street. - I'm no more a kid than you are. 1135 01:37:29,724 --> 01:37:32,921 - We can use my plastic surgery money. - We won't have to. 1136 01:37:32,994 --> 01:37:36,725 I have over $40,000. I know people in the city that can help us get set up. 1137 01:37:36,797 --> 01:37:39,960 - What, other drug dealers? - Yes. 1138 01:37:40,034 --> 01:37:43,060 - You'd be out of your mind to go with him. - Why do you even care? 1139 01:37:43,137 --> 01:37:46,163 - Because you're my friend. - She's not your friend. 1140 01:37:46,240 --> 01:37:48,504 She's someone you use to feel better about yourself. 1141 01:37:48,576 --> 01:37:51,977 - Go fuck yourself, psycho! - Hey, shut up, bitch! 1142 01:37:52,046 --> 01:37:55,140 - Jane, he's a freak! - Well, then so am I! 1143 01:37:55,216 --> 01:37:58,583 We'll always be freaks, and we'll never be like other people! 1144 01:37:58,653 --> 01:38:02,384 And you'll never be a freak 'cause you're just... too perfect! 1145 01:38:02,456 --> 01:38:06,722 Yeah, well, at least I'm not ugly. 1146 01:38:08,563 --> 01:38:10,724 Yes, you are. 1147 01:38:10,798 --> 01:38:14,325 And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, 1148 01:38:14,402 --> 01:38:16,996 and you know it. 1149 01:38:19,373 --> 01:38:21,534 You two deserve each other. 1150 01:38:36,424 --> 01:38:38,688 [Sobbing] 1151 01:38:45,866 --> 01:38:47,857 [Lester Breathing Heavily] 1152 01:39:22,236 --> 01:39:24,670 Jesus, man, you're soaked. 1153 01:39:35,249 --> 01:39:39,151 You want me to get Ricky? He's in Jane's room. 1154 01:39:40,488 --> 01:39:42,649 Are you okay? 1155 01:39:42,723 --> 01:39:44,657 Where's your wife? 1156 01:39:46,227 --> 01:39:48,320 Uh, I don't know. 1157 01:39:48,396 --> 01:39:52,355 Probably out fucking that dorky Prince of Real Estate asshole. 1158 01:39:53,701 --> 01:39:56,261 And you know what? 1159 01:39:56,337 --> 01:39:58,305 I don't care. 1160 01:40:08,683 --> 01:40:11,618 Your wife is with another man, and... 1161 01:40:11,686 --> 01:40:13,779 you don't care? 1162 01:40:16,023 --> 01:40:18,457 Nope. 1163 01:40:18,526 --> 01:40:21,324 Our marriage is just for show. 1164 01:40:21,395 --> 01:40:24,558 A commercial for how normal we are... 1165 01:40:24,632 --> 01:40:26,827 when we're anything but. 1166 01:40:34,475 --> 01:40:36,670 Jesus, man, you are shaking. 1167 01:40:36,744 --> 01:40:40,578 We really ought to get you out of these clothes. 1168 01:40:40,648 --> 01:40:43,515 Yeah. 1169 01:40:43,584 --> 01:40:46,644 It's okay. 1170 01:40:49,056 --> 01:40:52,355 I... am... 1171 01:40:52,426 --> 01:40:55,418 You just tell me what you need. 1172 01:40:58,632 --> 01:41:01,157 - It's okay. - [Sobbing Quietly] 1173 01:41:16,517 --> 01:41:18,781 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1174 01:41:22,356 --> 01:41:24,824 I'm sorry. 1175 01:41:24,892 --> 01:41:27,383 Y-You got the wrong idea. 1176 01:42:04,331 --> 01:42:06,822 [Man On Audiotape] "I refuse to be a victim." 1177 01:42:06,901 --> 01:42:09,165 When this becomes your mantra, 1178 01:42:09,236 --> 01:42:12,205 constantly reinforcing your new non... 1179 01:42:14,909 --> 01:42:18,345 I refuse to be a victim! 1180 01:42:25,986 --> 01:42:28,716 [Sighs] 1181 01:42:37,398 --> 01:42:40,162 @@ [Slow Rock Intro] 1182 01:42:51,178 --> 01:42:54,170 @ Old man lying by the side of the road @ 1183 01:42:54,248 --> 01:42:58,150 @ With the lorries rolling by @ 1184 01:42:58,219 --> 01:43:02,019 @ Blue moon sinking from the weight of the load @ 1185 01:43:02,089 --> 01:43:05,354 - I hope you don't mind if I play the stereo. - @@ [Continues] 1186 01:43:05,426 --> 01:43:07,690 Not at all. 1187 01:43:07,761 --> 01:43:10,423 Bad night? 1188 01:43:10,498 --> 01:43:13,592 Not really bad, just... 1189 01:43:13,667 --> 01:43:15,692 strange. 1190 01:43:15,769 --> 01:43:20,502 Believe me, it couldn't possibly be any stranger than mine. 1191 01:43:20,574 --> 01:43:24,203 @ It's only castles burning @ 1192 01:43:24,278 --> 01:43:27,543 @ Find someone who's turning @ 1193 01:43:27,615 --> 01:43:31,551 - @ And you will come around @ - Jane and I had a fight. 1194 01:43:31,619 --> 01:43:33,712 It was about you. 1195 01:43:36,357 --> 01:43:39,520 She's mad at me because... 1196 01:43:39,593 --> 01:43:41,857 I said I think you're sexy. 1197 01:43:43,964 --> 01:43:46,057 Do you want a sip? 1198 01:43:46,133 --> 01:43:48,693 Sure. 1199 01:43:50,371 --> 01:43:53,067 @ "Come on down to the river of sight @ 1200 01:43:53,140 --> 01:43:57,304 @ And you can really understand" @ 1201 01:43:57,378 --> 01:44:00,211 @ Red lights flashing through the window in the rain @ 1202 01:44:00,281 --> 01:44:03,978 @ Can you hear the sirens moan @ 1203 01:44:04,051 --> 01:44:07,214 @ White cane lying in the gutter in the lane @ 1204 01:44:07,288 --> 01:44:10,052 - @ And you're walking home alone @ - [Grunts] 1205 01:44:10,124 --> 01:44:12,991 @ Don't let it bring you down @ 1206 01:44:13,060 --> 01:44:16,325 @ It's only castles burning @ 1207 01:44:16,397 --> 01:44:19,924 - @ Find someone who's turning @ - So. 1208 01:44:20,000 --> 01:44:23,197 - @ And you will come around @ - You gonna tell me? 1209 01:44:26,674 --> 01:44:29,199 What do you want? 1210 01:44:32,179 --> 01:44:35,945 - I don't know. - @ Don't let it bring you down @ 1211 01:44:36,016 --> 01:44:40,544 - You... don't know? - @ It's only castles burning @ 1212 01:44:40,621 --> 01:44:44,113 - What do you want? - @ Find someone who's turning @ 1213 01:44:44,191 --> 01:44:47,183 - Are you kidding? - @ And you will come around @ 1214 01:44:47,261 --> 01:44:50,458 I want you. 1215 01:44:53,133 --> 01:44:56,864 I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you. 1216 01:44:59,273 --> 01:45:02,834 You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. 1217 01:45:02,910 --> 01:45:06,971 @ And the buildings scrape the sky @ 1218 01:45:07,047 --> 01:45:10,380 @ Cold wind ripping down the valley at dawn @ 1219 01:45:10,451 --> 01:45:13,818 - You don't think I'm ordinary? - @ And the morning paper flies @ 1220 01:45:13,887 --> 01:45:15,582 @ Dead man lying @ 1221 01:45:15,656 --> 01:45:19,592 - You couldn't be ordinary if you tried. - @ By the side of the road @ 1222 01:45:19,660 --> 01:45:21,924 @ Don't let it bring you down @ 1223 01:45:21,996 --> 01:45:24,760 - Thank you. - @ It's only castles burning @ 1224 01:45:24,832 --> 01:45:29,462 - I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary. - @ Find someone who's turning @ 1225 01:45:29,536 --> 01:45:32,027 @ And you will come around @ 1226 01:45:32,106 --> 01:45:34,438 @ Don't let it bring you down @ 1227 01:45:34,508 --> 01:45:36,635 @ Don't let it bring you down @ 1228 01:45:36,710 --> 01:45:39,508 @ And you will come around @ 1229 01:45:39,580 --> 01:45:42,140 @ Don't let it bring you down @ 1230 01:45:42,216 --> 01:45:45,117 @ Don't let it bring you down @@ 1231 01:45:46,954 --> 01:45:49,445 I refuse to be a victim. 1232 01:45:49,523 --> 01:45:52,959 I refuse to be a victim. I refuse to be a victim. 1233 01:45:53,027 --> 01:45:55,120 Lester, 1234 01:45:55,195 --> 01:45:57,993 I have something I have to say to you. 1235 01:46:01,001 --> 01:46:03,936 [Heavy Breathing] 1236 01:46:46,947 --> 01:46:50,212 Are you scared? 1237 01:46:50,284 --> 01:46:52,718 I don't get scared. 1238 01:46:55,355 --> 01:46:58,119 My parents will try to find me. 1239 01:46:58,192 --> 01:47:01,218 Mine won't. 1240 01:47:21,448 --> 01:47:24,417 This is my first time. 1241 01:47:26,920 --> 01:47:29,081 You're kidding. 1242 01:47:29,156 --> 01:47:31,147 I'm sorry. 1243 01:47:31,225 --> 01:47:33,853 I still want to do it. 1244 01:47:33,927 --> 01:47:37,260 I just... thought I should tell you... 1245 01:47:37,331 --> 01:47:39,526 in case you wondered why I... 1246 01:47:39,600 --> 01:47:42,433 I wasn't... better. 1247 01:47:55,616 --> 01:47:57,880 What's wrong? 1248 01:48:03,924 --> 01:48:07,724 I thought you said I was beautiful. 1249 01:48:07,795 --> 01:48:09,820 You are beautiful. 1250 01:48:12,566 --> 01:48:16,161 You are so... beautiful. 1251 01:48:19,540 --> 01:48:22,008 And I would be a very... 1252 01:48:22,075 --> 01:48:24,043 lucky man. 1253 01:48:25,379 --> 01:48:28,007 I feel so stupid. 1254 01:48:28,081 --> 01:48:30,572 Don't. 1255 01:48:30,651 --> 01:48:33,711 - Shh. - I'm sorry. [Sobbing] 1256 01:48:33,787 --> 01:48:37,814 You have nothing to be sorry about. 1257 01:48:37,891 --> 01:48:40,792 It's okay. 1258 01:48:40,861 --> 01:48:44,160 Everything's okay. 1259 01:48:59,213 --> 01:49:02,011 Wow, I was starving. 1260 01:49:02,082 --> 01:49:06,576 - Do you want me to make you another one? - No, no, no. I'm fine. 1261 01:49:06,653 --> 01:49:09,019 You sure? 1262 01:49:09,089 --> 01:49:14,083 I'm still a little weirded out, but I feel better. Thanks. 1263 01:49:17,531 --> 01:49:21,262 - How's Jane? - What do you mean? 1264 01:49:22,736 --> 01:49:25,227 I mean, 1265 01:49:25,305 --> 01:49:27,671 how's her life? 1266 01:49:27,741 --> 01:49:29,902 Is she happy? 1267 01:49:29,977 --> 01:49:33,140 Is she miserable? 1268 01:49:33,213 --> 01:49:37,775 I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it. 1269 01:49:40,087 --> 01:49:43,352 [Sighs] She's, uh... 1270 01:49:43,423 --> 01:49:46,483 She's really happy. 1271 01:49:46,560 --> 01:49:50,087 She thinks she's in love. [Scoffs] 1272 01:50:00,841 --> 01:50:04,140 Good for her. 1273 01:50:05,946 --> 01:50:07,880 How are you? 1274 01:50:15,856 --> 01:50:19,292 It's been a long time since anybody asked me that. 1275 01:50:25,732 --> 01:50:28,428 I'm great. 1276 01:50:34,141 --> 01:50:37,133 I've gotta go to the bathroom. 1277 01:50:49,923 --> 01:50:52,255 I'm great. 1278 01:51:26,526 --> 01:51:29,620 Man, oh man. 1279 01:51:31,498 --> 01:51:34,331 Man, oh man, oh man. 1280 01:51:42,909 --> 01:51:45,241 [Gunshot] 1281 01:52:09,603 --> 01:52:12,037 [Jane Shudders] Oh, my God. 1282 01:52:53,980 --> 01:52:56,073 Wow. 1283 01:52:57,684 --> 01:53:00,448 [Lester Narrating] I had always heard your entire life flashes... 1284 01:53:00,520 --> 01:53:04,422 in front of your eyes the second before you die. 1285 01:53:04,491 --> 01:53:07,255 First of all, that one second... 1286 01:53:07,327 --> 01:53:10,091 isn't a second at all. 1287 01:53:10,163 --> 01:53:12,256 It stretches on forever, 1288 01:53:12,332 --> 01:53:15,165 like an ocean of time. 1289 01:53:17,104 --> 01:53:20,130 For me, it was lying on my back... 1290 01:53:20,207 --> 01:53:24,075 at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars. 1291 01:53:28,248 --> 01:53:30,341 [Gunshot] 1292 01:53:32,452 --> 01:53:35,717 And yellow leaves from the maple trees... 1293 01:53:35,789 --> 01:53:38,223 that lined our street. 1294 01:53:43,296 --> 01:53:45,287 [Gunshot] 1295 01:53:47,000 --> 01:53:50,299 Or my grandmother's hands and the way her skin... 1296 01:53:50,370 --> 01:53:52,702 seemed like paper. 1297 01:53:57,944 --> 01:53:59,878 [Distant Gunshot] 1298 01:53:59,946 --> 01:54:03,712 And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's... 1299 01:54:03,783 --> 01:54:06,752 brand-new Firebird. 1300 01:54:08,522 --> 01:54:10,752 [Panting] 1301 01:54:18,465 --> 01:54:20,558 And Janie. 1302 01:54:21,968 --> 01:54:23,902 And Janie. 1303 01:54:26,973 --> 01:54:29,373 [Gasps, Sobs] 1304 01:54:34,014 --> 01:54:36,175 [Panting] 1305 01:54:37,184 --> 01:54:39,482 [Grunts, Sobs] 1306 01:54:46,893 --> 01:54:49,327 [Wailing] 1307 01:54:55,869 --> 01:54:58,235 And... Carolyn. 1308 01:55:03,276 --> 01:55:07,042 I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, 1309 01:55:07,113 --> 01:55:12,608 but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. 1310 01:55:12,686 --> 01:55:17,851 Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. 1311 01:55:17,924 --> 01:55:23,021 My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. 1312 01:55:23,096 --> 01:55:27,192 And then I remember to relax... 1313 01:55:27,267 --> 01:55:30,361 and stop trying to hold on to it. 1314 01:55:30,437 --> 01:55:34,032 And then it flows through me like rain, 1315 01:55:34,107 --> 01:55:37,804 and I can't feel anything but gratitude... 1316 01:55:37,877 --> 01:55:40,038 for every single moment... 1317 01:55:40,113 --> 01:55:44,049 of my stupid little life. 1318 01:55:44,117 --> 01:55:47,553 You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. 1319 01:55:47,621 --> 01:55:49,612 But don't worry. 1320 01:55:50,724 --> 01:55:53,056 You will someday. 1321 01:55:57,964 --> 01:56:02,162 @ Ahhh, ahh @ 1322 01:56:03,303 --> 01:56:08,002 @ Because the world is round @ 1323 01:56:08,074 --> 01:56:14,070 @ It turns me on @ 1324 01:56:15,548 --> 01:56:18,483 @ Because @ 1325 01:56:18,551 --> 01:56:21,247 @ The world @ 1326 01:56:21,321 --> 01:56:26,190 @ Is round @ 1327 01:56:28,061 --> 01:56:31,087 @ Ahhh @ 1328 01:56:31,164 --> 01:56:33,257 @ Ahh @ 1329 01:56:33,333 --> 01:56:38,032 @ Because the wind is high @ 1330 01:56:38,104 --> 01:56:43,940 @ It blows my mind @ 1331 01:56:45,612 --> 01:56:48,445 @ Because @ 1332 01:56:48,515 --> 01:56:51,040 @ The wind @ 1333 01:56:51,117 --> 01:56:55,884 @ Is high @ 1334 01:56:57,857 --> 01:57:01,623 @ Ahhh, ahh @ 1335 01:57:01,695 --> 01:57:04,630 @ Love is old, Love is new @ 1336 01:57:07,600 --> 01:57:10,467 @ Love is all, Love is you @ 1337 01:57:15,141 --> 01:57:19,805 @ Because the sky is blue @ 1338 01:57:19,879 --> 01:57:25,784 @ It makes me cry @ 1339 01:57:27,220 --> 01:57:30,155 @ Because @ 1340 01:57:30,223 --> 01:57:32,851 @ The sky @ 1341 01:57:32,926 --> 01:57:37,625 @ Is blue @ 1342 01:57:39,499 --> 01:57:42,366 @ Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh @ 1343 01:57:42,435 --> 01:57:44,596 @ Ahhh, ahh, ahh @ 1344 01:57:44,671 --> 01:57:46,764 @ Ah, ah, ah @ 1345 01:57:51,244 --> 01:57:53,940 @ Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh @ 1346 01:57:54,013 --> 01:57:56,914 @ Ahh, ah, ah, ah @ 1347 01:57:56,983 --> 01:57:58,917 @ Ahhh @ 1348 01:58:02,789 --> 01:58:06,748 @ Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh @ 1349 01:58:08,661 --> 01:58:11,459 @ Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh @ 1350 01:58:11,531 --> 01:58:13,499 @Ahhh @@ 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.moviesubtitles.org